Last year I was more reserved i think, instead of branching out and making a bunch of new friends I stuck with my small group of friends, I'm much more social now. I talk to people, I've made a lot of new friends already in the first week of school thanks to ASI. I'm just a lot more mature, in all aspects of my life. I know what I want out of life, I know what I want to do with my life, and I'm just working toward that and ignoring all the bullshit that is just there to hinder my journey.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Friday, August 20, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
In these days of foody enlightenment, do you endeavour to buy your food locally produced? Do you check the seal to see if it's organic? Or are you not that fussed really?
I really don't care. It's about whatever is cheapest and doesn't have mold on it, these days.
Is summer treating you well?
Yeah. I've had a lot of fun this summer. I'm starting up my last hurrah of the summer tomorrow. But, not gonna lie, I'm ready for school to start back up.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
would you wipe your sweaty feet in my face
My feet don't really sweat. But the creases between my elbows sweat when I sleep. Can I wipe that on your face?
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Stupid Questions I got today
How do I get my mom to let my cousin sleep in the same bed as me?
.................I'm not even going to ask.
How else can i get in touch with luke bilyk from degrassi besides twitter
OMG. HE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
Fixit. He hits me [Follow up on to the text: Is my relationship going to work?]
I want to hit you too rn.
How is the information gathered on KGB? I picture a huge room with a bunch of computers, kinda like NASA. Is there an actual person researching each question?
No. We use Google. Like everyone else.
What are the Xbox 360 cheats for sniper ghost warrior? !*! I <3 TABITHA !*!
This isn't a question I just wanted you all to know that I <3 TABITHA TOO.
What is the day god will return
.....what?
[They sent us like a friggen novel]How can an egg sucking liberal judge in california rule against will of people?how can liberal president and congress go against will of people? Taking away law against gay marrage that was voted on! Universal health care cap and trade balouts of:gm(now government moters) chrysler banks and now BP. .Raising corgrate taxes killing job growth raisimg property taxes taxes on food gas alcohal cigarettes gas fuel and killing american economy! Want more? U know hittler brought germany's economy back before ww2 oboma kills ours more everyday!
You have no idea how hard I'm laughing at you rn. Go somewhere, Glen Beck, nobody likes you.
How much would a person have to smoke to have a miscarage? *<3
ARE YOU F***ING STUPID OR SOMETHING?
FIXIT i dont really no what the problem is i just need an answer??? HELP Dm +Db 4eva
...........ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?
Where should i take my girlfriend for her 19th birthday ?
Chuck E Cheese's. DO IT.
what is one of the strangest items ever inserted into a pussy?
I don't get paid enough to look that up and have something horrible burned into my mind. No. Hell no. Sorry. NEXT QUESTION.
Is it possible for someone to rape themself?
Really.....REALLY?
I woke up this morning and had a wet dream but i sleep wih boxers and some got on my dad hwo do i tell him what that is
.................WOW
Friday, August 6, 2010
would it be alright with you if i used you as the authority on all things afrocentric?
Yes I'd be totally ok with that
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Sunday, August 1, 2010
What is an event or something I could do for my birthday that would be both exciting and cheap? I mean, I love fun, but I'm also pretty jewish.
Go somewhere and convince girls to flash you because it's your birthday.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
So here in the UK, schools have finally broken up for summer, for six weeks. What will be the highlight of the next six weeks for you?
Hopefully moving into a new apartment. Starting the year off for school.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Yesterday I went on an adventure assault course thing, and I ended the final zipwire on my head with my legs in the air facing backwards. Truly an odd position to find oneself in. What's the strangest position you've ever been in?
I was dancing with my friend and he picked up and pushed my legs back behind my legs and started dancing/humping me almost. It was funny at the time but I really felt that stretch the next day.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Stupid Questions I got today
Is sex on a tempur-pedic bed any different than sex on a metal spring mattress?
Never really thought about it. I assume there's a lot less squeaking.
does red bull contain bull semen?
Yes.
Where is justin bieber
Damn. Had this been 2008 I could've made the best Michael Jackson joke out of this.
What is the nearest occult store, meaning witchcraft supplies, to the town rancho santa margerita calfornia?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA @ you.
Did robert pattinson stare at kristen stewarts boobs when they were in twilight
Better than looking at her face, imo
what is a quick recipe for pancakes?
Wtf. THEY COME IN A BOX.
How many pants sizes can you lose by wearing a belt over your stomach ?
Go jog, fatty
Will I marry my high school sweetheart?
Who cares?
how can i get my girlfriends mom to show me her nice tits and have sex with me?
I actually typed in "keep dreaming" into the answer box, and almost sent it. Then I decided not to.
Why can you only hear your voice in your head and no where else?
Are you schizophrenic, bro?
had a dream dat i told besfren boy fren dat love him and den told a boy that i dnt know like that but kep secret religion saw me in the store as religion told<3
Uhhhh.....................
what made the grand caynon
Your mom tripped and fell ZING!
Do native reserves in canada let white people to travel through it?
Umm, why the fuck would you want to?
What are some question i could ask a guy to find out if he likes me?
Just be like "so....when are we gonna fuck?"
Y did my boy friend hang up on me
Because you're fucking irritating.
Are psychic spellcasters real
No, you moron.
Who is Blake Wilson from Northport, Alabama, who is 18 years old?
Okay so you know their first and last name, where they're from, and how old they are. But you're asking us who the person is. Are you fucking stupid or something?
What percent of guys tilt there head to the left when kissing a girl?
Are you serious with this question right now...
How many times did they say NIGGA in Real Nigga Role Call?
I don't know why I laughed so hard at this question, but I did.
Do u want to b my boyfriend
Sure bb
Never really thought about it. I assume there's a lot less squeaking.
does red bull contain bull semen?
Yes.
Where is justin bieber
Damn. Had this been 2008 I could've made the best Michael Jackson joke out of this.
What is the nearest occult store, meaning witchcraft supplies, to the town rancho santa margerita calfornia?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA @ you.
Did robert pattinson stare at kristen stewarts boobs when they were in twilight
Better than looking at her face, imo
what is a quick recipe for pancakes?
Wtf. THEY COME IN A BOX.
How many pants sizes can you lose by wearing a belt over your stomach ?
Go jog, fatty
Will I marry my high school sweetheart?
Who cares?
how can i get my girlfriends mom to show me her nice tits and have sex with me?
I actually typed in "keep dreaming" into the answer box, and almost sent it. Then I decided not to.
Why can you only hear your voice in your head and no where else?
Are you schizophrenic, bro?
had a dream dat i told besfren boy fren dat love him and den told a boy that i dnt know like that but kep secret religion saw me in the store as religion told<3
Uhhhh.....................
what made the grand caynon
Your mom tripped and fell ZING!
Do native reserves in canada let white people to travel through it?
Umm, why the fuck would you want to?
What are some question i could ask a guy to find out if he likes me?
Just be like "so....when are we gonna fuck?"
Y did my boy friend hang up on me
Because you're fucking irritating.
Are psychic spellcasters real
No, you moron.
Who is Blake Wilson from Northport, Alabama, who is 18 years old?
Okay so you know their first and last name, where they're from, and how old they are. But you're asking us who the person is. Are you fucking stupid or something?
What percent of guys tilt there head to the left when kissing a girl?
Are you serious with this question right now...
How many times did they say NIGGA in Real Nigga Role Call?
I don't know why I laughed so hard at this question, but I did.
Do u want to b my boyfriend
Sure bb
Monday, July 19, 2010
SHIT I SHULDA KNOWN BETTA THAN 2 STEP 2 A REAL PIMP G. U PUT ME N MY PLACE. IMMA BITCH. CAN U EVR FORGIVE ME?
It's okay b, I'm always willing to forgive.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
IF U HAD A GINORMUS PENIS LYKE MINE WULD U SLAP BITCHEZ WIT IT AFTER SPEWIN IN DER NOSE N EYEZ?
Bitch I've been doing that since I was 7.
I'd like to ask a practical question if I may: I don't have a new desk...
The answer to your question, is more cowbell.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Do you have an attachment to the obsolete? As some of you will know I had my old phone for seven years and it was a proper old school model - it turned into a proper hindrance but, sentimentally I guess, I couldn't get rid of it. Do you feel this too?
I still listen to mixtapes I made back in middle school >__>
"Nobody does it better, makes me feel sad for the rest. Nobody does it half as good as you...baby you're the best!" a) Name the film b) What would you like to be one of the best in the world at?
a) I have no idea b) I'd love to be the best at making money ^__^
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
I've listened to primarily one band for my entire life, and I think that should change. So please reply to this with a band that you like and I should listen to. Since this is a question-answer site, I'll make it a question: what band should I listen to?
I can't just give you one band. Not my style. Get these albums. "The Empire Strikes First" by Bad Religion. "Billy Talent II" by Billy Talent. The Sun and The Moon by The Bravery. Revolutions Per Minute, Siren Song of the Counter Culture, and The Sufferer and the Witness by Rise Against. If you don't like at least one of these albums. We can't be friends. I'm serious.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
My favorite stupid questions from kgb_
Wat is sum codeS 4 midd night club lost an Jersey stand up
WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU PEOPLE TO SPEAK ENGLISH TO ME?!
Can you have sex through the pee hole?
Really....really?!?!?!
YOU GOT THAT ANSWER FROM GOOGLE!!!!!!!
NO SHIT.
What percent of women in america wear thongs Rebels#11
The real question is, who's dumb enough to run a study on something so irrelevant
Is Kevin stupid?
Are you Kevin? If so, yes.
how do you give yourself a really good wedgie?
....not even gonna ask
Where do I want to eat tonight in Kansas City, KS?
I WANT TO HIT YOU RIGHT NOW. Do we claim to be psychics in ANY of our commercials? NO. Drown yourself.
What do u do if u like your teacher
Hit puberty
How do you say "Im real im a bitch that would stand up for her own self and dont bring anybody into my shit so dont fuck wit me yall hoes are followers
Like...in English?
Is Kurtis Parkers a fag?
Why do you care to know? Are you one?
How do I get my mom in a. Good mood
clean something
Toothpaste burned my right cheek, how do I get rid of the burnt mark it left on my cheek?
Wait....what?
What's lady gaga's cellphone number?
keep dreaming...
Who decided oreo was milks fav. cookie
That is the most thought provoking question I've gotten all day....
Am i an octopus ?
No, but you are a moron.
If I drink vagina juice is it hydrating?
...............http://i31.tinypic.com/2vmawdg.gif
How can i get justin bieber to come to my house?
Keep dreaming.
how many private holes does a girl have?
56 and a half. With questions like these you'll never find out if I'm lying or not.
Do you think sleena gomez wears thongs and do you wear them
People still care about this irrelevant bitch? And uhhh, no. Go away creeper.
Who is justin biebers number one girl
Not you
Can u sue a home owner for an insect bite (spider/scorpion)
No, you moron.
How do i have sex with myself?
Really.....REALLY?
How old should I be to have my first child?
If you have to ask us, you shouldn't be breeding.
What happens if a 1 yr old takes a bite of soap and swallows it
How about you stop being a terrible parent and watch your child?
Can u get pregnet by butt sex
Of course that's how octomom had all her kids.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb
None. They get screwed, they don't usually do the screwing, NEXT QUESTION.
Can you get pregnant by swallowing cum?!
WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE?! SERIOUSLY. I'D LIKE TO KNOW.
What is the one true religion?
Mishellism
What type of animal is a burger made out of?
Your mom.
Hey girl i missed u u no yur mi bff u didnt come 2 mi party
GURRRRRL im soo sory u no i didn't wanna miss yo party but i had 2 wurk. i wurk at dis job were ppl ask mi dumb ass questions && type lyke morons 4 lyke no reesin.
Yanno? Hapi b-day gurlfran.
Idk
Me neither.
What?
Huh?
the solutions of the equation x cubed+4x squard+5x=0 are?
I don't get paid enough to deal with this
How good of a cance do i have with payton kelton
If you're asking us, chances aren't looking too good.
how du u get a girl 2 kiss u if she dnt like you?
You sound like a future rapist. NO MEANS NO, FREAK.
Will you marry me?
No.
what does pie mean in math
If math and pie actually had anything to do with each other I would've been a lot more interested. Ngl.
WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR YOU PEOPLE TO SPEAK ENGLISH TO ME?!
Can you have sex through the pee hole?
Really....really?!?!?!
YOU GOT THAT ANSWER FROM GOOGLE!!!!!!!
NO SHIT.
What percent of women in america wear thongs Rebels#11
The real question is, who's dumb enough to run a study on something so irrelevant
Is Kevin stupid?
Are you Kevin? If so, yes.
how do you give yourself a really good wedgie?
....not even gonna ask
Where do I want to eat tonight in Kansas City, KS?
I WANT TO HIT YOU RIGHT NOW. Do we claim to be psychics in ANY of our commercials? NO. Drown yourself.
What do u do if u like your teacher
Hit puberty
How do you say "Im real im a bitch that would stand up for her own self and dont bring anybody into my shit so dont fuck wit me yall hoes are followers
Like...in English?
Is Kurtis Parkers a fag?
Why do you care to know? Are you one?
How do I get my mom in a. Good mood
clean something
Toothpaste burned my right cheek, how do I get rid of the burnt mark it left on my cheek?
Wait....what?
What's lady gaga's cellphone number?
keep dreaming...
Who decided oreo was milks fav. cookie
That is the most thought provoking question I've gotten all day....
Am i an octopus ?
No, but you are a moron.
If I drink vagina juice is it hydrating?
...............http://i31.tinypic.com/2vm
How can i get justin bieber to come to my house?
Keep dreaming.
how many private holes does a girl have?
56 and a half. With questions like these you'll never find out if I'm lying or not.
Do you think sleena gomez wears thongs and do you wear them
People still care about this irrelevant bitch? And uhhh, no. Go away creeper.
Who is justin biebers number one girl
Not you
Can u sue a home owner for an insect bite (spider/scorpion)
No, you moron.
How do i have sex with myself?
Really.....REALLY?
How old should I be to have my first child?
If you have to ask us, you shouldn't be breeding.
What happens if a 1 yr old takes a bite of soap and swallows it
How about you stop being a terrible parent and watch your child?
Can u get pregnet by butt sex
Of course that's how octomom had all her kids.
How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb
None. They get screwed, they don't usually do the screwing, NEXT QUESTION.
Can you get pregnant by swallowing cum?!
WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE?! SERIOUSLY. I'D LIKE TO KNOW.
What is the one true religion?
Mishellism
What type of animal is a burger made out of?
Your mom.
Hey girl i missed u u no yur mi bff u didnt come 2 mi party
GURRRRRL im soo sory u no i didn't wanna miss yo party but i had 2 wurk. i wurk at dis job were ppl ask mi dumb ass questions && type lyke morons 4 lyke no reesin.
Yanno? Hapi b-day gurlfran.
Idk
Me neither.
What?
Huh?
the solutions of the equation x cubed+4x squard+5x=0 are?
I don't get paid enough to deal with this
How good of a cance do i have with payton kelton
If you're asking us, chances aren't looking too good.
how du u get a girl 2 kiss u if she dnt like you?
You sound like a future rapist. NO MEANS NO, FREAK.
Will you marry me?
No.
what does pie mean in math
If math and pie actually had anything to do with each other I would've been a lot more interested. Ngl.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I spend way too much of my time on TS and playing video games. With that being said, I would like a new hobby. That's where you come in. What should my new hobby be? What is something easy to pick up, and that is rather enjoyable?
Dude if I had the answer to that question I wouldn't be on Teenspot as much as I am. Actually here's a proposition. Add me on aim or msn and be there for me when I get these ridiculous ass baseball questions on kgb_ that I never have the answers to. PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH >=[
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Say you get access to a time machine, and you're really excited. But it's broken, so it can only go to the 9th July 2015, and it will only stay there for an hour. You can go and see what you are doing in five years' time. What would you expect to see?
Yes I'd go to check. I'd probably still be in college, pissed at myself.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
IDK why I do this to myself
So I decided to put up a trashy picture of myself as my display picture because it would obviously give me some excellent trolling opportunities. Well it did, then I got bored with that so I changed it to a more ~classy~ picture of myself.
I don't know why I keep adding these people, they're all dreadfully boring. I'm sorry but they always say the same shit. "Hey [cutie, hunny, sweetie, hotty, etcetc] whats up?
Uhhh I'm on TS, obviously nothing is up like at all. And some of them just get creepy. This guy commented me "Hey hun whats up" uhh I don't have the time to have really boring small talk with someone who's more than likely fake, sorry. Then the guy PMs me "Oh you could've said hi back, you didn't say hi back"
NOT EVERYONE USES THE FUCKING PROFILES. I'M POSTING ON THE BOARDS OKAY. I'M BUSY POSTING ON THE BOARDS TO THE POINT WHERE I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO KEEP UP WITH A BORING ASS COMMENT CONVERSATION WITH YOU, SORRY. Maybe if you really wanted to talk to me, you'd think up something more interesting to say.~
I don't know why I keep adding these people, they're all dreadfully boring. I'm sorry but they always say the same shit. "Hey [cutie, hunny, sweetie, hotty, etcetc] whats up?
Uhhh I'm on TS, obviously nothing is up like at all. And some of them just get creepy. This guy commented me "Hey hun whats up" uhh I don't have the time to have really boring small talk with someone who's more than likely fake, sorry. Then the guy PMs me "Oh you could've said hi back, you didn't say hi back"
NOT EVERYONE USES THE FUCKING PROFILES. I'M POSTING ON THE BOARDS OKAY. I'M BUSY POSTING ON THE BOARDS TO THE POINT WHERE I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO KEEP UP WITH A BORING ASS COMMENT CONVERSATION WITH YOU, SORRY. Maybe if you really wanted to talk to me, you'd think up something more interesting to say.~
Monday, July 5, 2010
During a row on Saturday night, a rather small female friend tried to use a pool lounger to throw at someone. It failed. But what's the strangest thing you've ever seen used as a weapon?
once my mom was living with her friend and her daughter. Her friend Tiffany, well long story short Tiffany was crazy. She was fighting with her boyfriend for the 100th time and decided to throw plastic bowls out of the cabinet at him.
Yesterday we played an amazing impromptu version of Family Fortunes (or Family Feud for you Yanks), and I won it all for my family in Big Money (money and the car). But which TV show would you like to appear on and why?
Oops i accidentally deleted this. But yeah. The Real World.
Yesterday we played an amazing impromptu version of Family Fortunes (or Family Feud for you Yanks), and I won it all for my family in Big Money (money and the car). But which TV show would you like to appear on and why?
I'd love to be on the Real World. I'd be too real for those bitches though.
Yay annoyance
This is one thing that I particularly dislike about some of the more ~intellectual~ users on Teenspot.
They can't be wrong. Period, point blank, end of the story.
No matter what statement comes out of their mouth, it's right. And they will talk in circles and point out the flaw in ONE sentence in your argument thus making your ENTIRE argument invalid until you leave in exasperation and OMG THEY WIN, DEY'RE RIGHT ONCE AGAIN.
Or when they're clearly nitpicking at you, but when you nitpick back "omg y u nitpicking? u mad? y u so srs? FACEPALM"
I swear to god it's like WA&P is stuck in 2005 and they can't get out. It's sad.
They can't be wrong. Period, point blank, end of the story.
No matter what statement comes out of their mouth, it's right. And they will talk in circles and point out the flaw in ONE sentence in your argument thus making your ENTIRE argument invalid until you leave in exasperation and OMG THEY WIN, DEY'RE RIGHT ONCE AGAIN.
Or when they're clearly nitpicking at you, but when you nitpick back "omg y u nitpicking? u mad? y u so srs? FACEPALM"
I swear to god it's like WA&P is stuck in 2005 and they can't get out. It's sad.
Friday, July 2, 2010
What's the kindest thing someone has ever done for you?
Whenever I was reeeeally just in a deep depression Kierone was always there with a blunt and alcohol. Love that boy.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
These lyrics. Are so true. So very very true.
You know that these guys are quick to claim they're gigantic,
But size don't mean a thing, just think about the Titanic!
Maybe I can fake it, make you think you're doing damage...
You just don't understand it!
It ain't the size of your boat, but the motion in your ocean, boy now row...(uh uh) now row!
It ain't the size of your boat, but the motion in your ocean, boy now row...(uh uh) now row!
You told me we were going on a cruise... so how the hell did we end up on this canoe?
Truer words have never been rapped over an electronica beat.
But size don't mean a thing, just think about the Titanic!
Maybe I can fake it, make you think you're doing damage...
You just don't understand it!
It ain't the size of your boat, but the motion in your ocean, boy now row...(uh uh) now row!
It ain't the size of your boat, but the motion in your ocean, boy now row...(uh uh) now row!
You told me we were going on a cruise... so how the hell did we end up on this canoe?
Truer words have never been rapped over an electronica beat.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
I'm so clever
Well I only have a few days left in Van Nuys. I'm going to make the most of it.
PARTY~~
PARTY~~
UGHHH
I wish people would stop commenting on my weight loss, and asking me if I'm eating.
NO I'M NOT EATING, FUCK OFF.
My mom said if I keep losing weight SHE'S GOING TO FUCKING DRUG TEST ME. I'm not taking any drugs! I went 3 weeks without eating, now I'm kind of eating again. Like today. I had a piece of chicken, some grapes, a sandwich, and a small bag of cheetoes. Now I legit feel sick. I feel so full I could throw up. It's a horrible feeling.
NO I'M NOT EATING, FUCK OFF.
My mom said if I keep losing weight SHE'S GOING TO FUCKING DRUG TEST ME. I'm not taking any drugs! I went 3 weeks without eating, now I'm kind of eating again. Like today. I had a piece of chicken, some grapes, a sandwich, and a small bag of cheetoes. Now I legit feel sick. I feel so full I could throw up. It's a horrible feeling.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Mass send questions!!!! Amazing chat. Anyway, what is more important to you? Your happiness or the happiness of others?
My happiness. Because there are too many people who just can't be pleased no matter what.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Isn't she lovely.
"I've never fooled anyone, I've let people fool themselves, they didn't bother to find out who I was. Instead they would invent a character of me. I wouldn't argue with them, they were obviously loving someone I wasn't." - Marilyn Monroe
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Oh shit bro
I'm watching ID and they're talking about cult leaders and followers and how they can be connected to the brain. This guy has basically been doing research and he found out how to take something that someone knows to be false, and have them accept it as truth by manipulating the refutation process. He basically said that once we hear something, our brain automatically accepts it as truth. Then it goes through a process where it decides whether or not it's actually true then decides to either accept it as truth or not.
He even tested it by putting this thing on people's head, I forgot what they called it it's 3 am and I'm all over the place but he'd have the computer say something like "the sky is purple" and then send small electromagnetic waves to effect the brain and it would fuck up the process and people would answer it as true. They said the way Charles Manson was able to get people to believe him would be to make a statement, then do something completely off the wall crazy to distract them so their brains wouldn't have time to process what he was saying as false.
It's so crazy how easy it is to just physically manipulate a brain and once you control a person's brain you control them I guess that's why from birth we're conditioned to follow follow follow because if we weren't, the world would be way different.
He even tested it by putting this thing on people's head, I forgot what they called it it's 3 am and I'm all over the place but he'd have the computer say something like "the sky is purple" and then send small electromagnetic waves to effect the brain and it would fuck up the process and people would answer it as true. They said the way Charles Manson was able to get people to believe him would be to make a statement, then do something completely off the wall crazy to distract them so their brains wouldn't have time to process what he was saying as false.
It's so crazy how easy it is to just physically manipulate a brain and once you control a person's brain you control them I guess that's why from birth we're conditioned to follow follow follow because if we weren't, the world would be way different.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
I'm chillin
Like a villain on penicillin...yeah I never understood that one either.
I can't wait until this weekend. Maybe I'll get to spend next week with my mom. I'm supposed to be visiting her for a bit. I know she won't let me take my cat :( so I guess I'll just have to trust my grandma to remember that spyder exists and take care of him while I'm gone.
I really don't like it here. Everyone perpetuates the Black ghetto stereotype. There's the kids running around with their hair all over the fucking place, being loud and annoying. But all kids are loud and annoying so I guess that's not a big deal. Then there's the middle school/high school kids who walk around in their bright colors and skinny jeans blasting jerkin' music nonstop. JERKIN MUSIC IS NOT COOL. PLEASE STOP PLAYING IT. PLEASE STOP JERKIN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET OR I WILL LEARN HOW TO DRIVE, JUST TO HIT YOU WITH MY CAR.
Then there's the "college age" people who don't go to college. And for some reason they just seem upset all the time. The guys just kind of hang on the corner not doing anything. And from them doing that I automatically assume they're dealing drugs. I mean come on, who just hangs on the corner? That's shady. The girls shop. Oh my god do they fucking shop. Especially around the 1st and the 15th when everyone gets their assistance checks, try getting through a Target or a clothing store on the around the 1st or 15th, I fucking dare you. I bet you won't come out alive. Like seriously, we're constantly fighting the stereotype, and they keep perpetuating it. Hot mess weave bitch, if you don't get your ass out of Ross trying on clothes that don't fit, I'm going to kill you.
And of course these old washed out looking "OG's" hang out in front of it. Like wtf, don't you have a job or an xbox or something? Stop standing intimidatingly in front of the goddamn liquor store. Dude you're like 50, you're not dangerous, go watch MacGyver or something.
Fucking ghetto. Fuck this. Ugh.
I can't wait until this weekend. Maybe I'll get to spend next week with my mom. I'm supposed to be visiting her for a bit. I know she won't let me take my cat :( so I guess I'll just have to trust my grandma to remember that spyder exists and take care of him while I'm gone.
I really don't like it here. Everyone perpetuates the Black ghetto stereotype. There's the kids running around with their hair all over the fucking place, being loud and annoying. But all kids are loud and annoying so I guess that's not a big deal. Then there's the middle school/high school kids who walk around in their bright colors and skinny jeans blasting jerkin' music nonstop. JERKIN MUSIC IS NOT COOL. PLEASE STOP PLAYING IT. PLEASE STOP JERKIN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET OR I WILL LEARN HOW TO DRIVE, JUST TO HIT YOU WITH MY CAR.
Then there's the "college age" people who don't go to college. And for some reason they just seem upset all the time. The guys just kind of hang on the corner not doing anything. And from them doing that I automatically assume they're dealing drugs. I mean come on, who just hangs on the corner? That's shady. The girls shop. Oh my god do they fucking shop. Especially around the 1st and the 15th when everyone gets their assistance checks, try getting through a Target or a clothing store on the around the 1st or 15th, I fucking dare you. I bet you won't come out alive. Like seriously, we're constantly fighting the stereotype, and they keep perpetuating it. Hot mess weave bitch, if you don't get your ass out of Ross trying on clothes that don't fit, I'm going to kill you.
And of course these old washed out looking "OG's" hang out in front of it. Like wtf, don't you have a job or an xbox or something? Stop standing intimidatingly in front of the goddamn liquor store. Dude you're like 50, you're not dangerous, go watch MacGyver or something.
Fucking ghetto. Fuck this. Ugh.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Stranger Things Have Happened
I'm so weird. I'm like so beyond weird.
I really liked this guy back in high school, and I actually still like him. Like I've done the whole, gush to your friends about him. Fantasize about him. Etc nine yards. But now that there's actually a chance that something is going to happen with us, I freak out. It's just weird. I guess because we've been friends for so long. It's really hard for me to get used to him seeing me, and talking to me in that kind of way when I've been so used to us just being bros.
I like him a lot because he's my only friend who've I've been able to integrate into my online life. Like he knows all my online friends, he's posted on Teenspot and Mental Block, he's been in my skype convos, we share memes, and we're both total computer nerds. But at the same time we enjoy the same shit like movies, music, and stuff. He's always entertaining and easy to get along with. It's kind of wonderful how everything always seems to work itself into place for me.
I really liked this guy back in high school, and I actually still like him. Like I've done the whole, gush to your friends about him. Fantasize about him. Etc nine yards. But now that there's actually a chance that something is going to happen with us, I freak out. It's just weird. I guess because we've been friends for so long. It's really hard for me to get used to him seeing me, and talking to me in that kind of way when I've been so used to us just being bros.
I like him a lot because he's my only friend who've I've been able to integrate into my online life. Like he knows all my online friends, he's posted on Teenspot and Mental Block, he's been in my skype convos, we share memes, and we're both total computer nerds. But at the same time we enjoy the same shit like movies, music, and stuff. He's always entertaining and easy to get along with. It's kind of wonderful how everything always seems to work itself into place for me.
Friday, June 18, 2010
I'm tired
My throat hurts
My ribs hurt
My back hurts
I can't sleep
My stomach hurts all the time
I constantly go from being really hot to really cold
I'm constantly needed everyday to do the washing, the cooking, to take care of the cats and the dog.
I just feel stressed and tired.
Maybe I should've gone to the hospital. Well it's too late now, and my grandma needs me here.
Speaking of my grandma. If she makes one more comment about my body, or about how I've lost my tits. Or any of that shit. I'm going to hit her in the back of the head with a fucking shovel.
My ribs hurt
My back hurts
I can't sleep
My stomach hurts all the time
I constantly go from being really hot to really cold
I'm constantly needed everyday to do the washing, the cooking, to take care of the cats and the dog.
I just feel stressed and tired.
Maybe I should've gone to the hospital. Well it's too late now, and my grandma needs me here.
Speaking of my grandma. If she makes one more comment about my body, or about how I've lost my tits. Or any of that shit. I'm going to hit her in the back of the head with a fucking shovel.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Oh my gahh
My grandma is coming home today! I'm so happy about this shit. I really got tired of her being there in the hospital. The main reason I came here early was because I got tired of being alone. Then as soon as I get here she gets sick with pnemonia and has to go to the emergency room and I'm here alone again. Well I always have Spyder, and I have Pikachu. But Pikachu isn't as affectionate as Spyder.
In other news. I'm gonna take a queue from a friend and just put it out there. I'm so fucking sick of people pretending to be profound and deep. Like I'm over it. Yes we've all been through some shit, but it doesn't change the fact that you've barely been on this planet for 20 years, and you're barely out into the real world. Where are you getting this insightful wisdom from? Fiest records? Like it's just so fucking fake the way these teenagers/early 20 year olds pretend to know every fucking thing about life and how to live it. You fucking don't. I had to grow the fuck up at 7 and I don't even pretend to know everything about live and pretend to be deep and insightful. It's just fake. I take life as it comes to me and if I don't know how to deal with it I try to go to someone who actually knows a thing or two about life.
I'm not saying that all wisdom comes with age, because it doesn't. I know some 30 and 40 year olds who still act like retarded 13 year olds. I guess it just takes the kind of personality to recognize mistakes and learn from them. Something I'm trying to do right now. My favorite people to talk to is my grandma, who's 59 and my great-grandpa who's 89. My great-grandpa is the fucking shit. Like whatever I have to complain about he's been through it 10 times over. I really can't wait until I get to see him again.
I've been having the worst fucking anxiety. Little thinks push me over into full blown panic attacks. My stomach hurts, my head hurts, I've been shaking, I can't eat again and I just feel sick and on edge for fucking hours on end. I have a few vicodin but I don't want to take them all so I'm trying to just keep control. I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS. I'm just not in a good mood. I got invited to a graduation party all the way in fucking Lancaster in a few days, and fucking hell I don't want to go. LANCASTER IS LIKE 2 FUCKING HOURS AWAY. And I don't even really know the chick who's having the party. But my grandma says we're going so whatever, I'll just put on my "pretend to actually like people" attitude and I guess I'll have a good time.
In other news. I'm gonna take a queue from a friend and just put it out there. I'm so fucking sick of people pretending to be profound and deep. Like I'm over it. Yes we've all been through some shit, but it doesn't change the fact that you've barely been on this planet for 20 years, and you're barely out into the real world. Where are you getting this insightful wisdom from? Fiest records? Like it's just so fucking fake the way these teenagers/early 20 year olds pretend to know every fucking thing about life and how to live it. You fucking don't. I had to grow the fuck up at 7 and I don't even pretend to know everything about live and pretend to be deep and insightful. It's just fake. I take life as it comes to me and if I don't know how to deal with it I try to go to someone who actually knows a thing or two about life.
I'm not saying that all wisdom comes with age, because it doesn't. I know some 30 and 40 year olds who still act like retarded 13 year olds. I guess it just takes the kind of personality to recognize mistakes and learn from them. Something I'm trying to do right now. My favorite people to talk to is my grandma, who's 59 and my great-grandpa who's 89. My great-grandpa is the fucking shit. Like whatever I have to complain about he's been through it 10 times over. I really can't wait until I get to see him again.
I've been having the worst fucking anxiety. Little thinks push me over into full blown panic attacks. My stomach hurts, my head hurts, I've been shaking, I can't eat again and I just feel sick and on edge for fucking hours on end. I have a few vicodin but I don't want to take them all so I'm trying to just keep control. I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS. I'm just not in a good mood. I got invited to a graduation party all the way in fucking Lancaster in a few days, and fucking hell I don't want to go. LANCASTER IS LIKE 2 FUCKING HOURS AWAY. And I don't even really know the chick who's having the party. But my grandma says we're going so whatever, I'll just put on my "pretend to actually like people" attitude and I guess I'll have a good time.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Ughh part 2
I guess I'm just having an off day. It seems like it's been such a long time but it's only been a few weeks since. I don't know why I'm still feeling like this though. I just want to feel good, I just want these thoughts to go away. Why is that so much to ask? I dislike being able to control everything except my fucking brain.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Ugh
As people we all have multiple dimensions, but we can only portray one dimension at a time. I know I do it, and I'm trying not to when I say shit about people. But damn, said people really need to stop constantly just showing me their bitch dimension then maybe I'd stop calling them a bitch.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I went running today
Holy motherfuck I'm out of shape.
Depressing.
I don't know why I'm watching the NBA Finals. I find most sports really boring. I know this is really mean, but I don't want the Lakers to win simply because the last time they won we had this huge obnoxious parade. Wasted so much money. Or at least if they do win they don't pull that shit again. We don't have the money for it, and all it does is leave a huge mess. Like they go and pull this parade shit, then bitch when they don't have enough money for books and they have to furlough the fuck out of the school year. Set some goddamn priorities.
Depressing.
I don't know why I'm watching the NBA Finals. I find most sports really boring. I know this is really mean, but I don't want the Lakers to win simply because the last time they won we had this huge obnoxious parade. Wasted so much money. Or at least if they do win they don't pull that shit again. We don't have the money for it, and all it does is leave a huge mess. Like they go and pull this parade shit, then bitch when they don't have enough money for books and they have to furlough the fuck out of the school year. Set some goddamn priorities.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Decisions
So I've definitely decided on my tattoo. Well I've been decided on this for about 5 years now. I'm going to get Banksy's balloon girl tattooed on the right side of my back. I love this so much, I always have. This is my favorite panting, I think it's beautiful. I love all of Banksy's work. I just love the way he goes about it. He doesn't do this for fame or fortune. He just does it to send a message.
This is called There's Always Hope. Because there is always hope. No matter what happens there's always hope that something good will come out of it. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore. Like I thought once I got here, I wouldn't have any money stress. I let go all of my relationship stress. The dust has settled, and I'd get better. But I'm not getting better. I still can't eat. Yesterday I had a hand full of potato chips. The day before that I had 2 granola bars. WHAT THE FUCK. Like I don't understand what's going on here. I want to eat I just physically can't. When I do eat more than usually I feel so fucking sick. My stomach hurts so bad to the point where I have to throw up just to make the pain stop. I thought it was physical but I went to the doctor and she said nothing was wrong with me. This is legit pissing me off. My grandma saw me and totally flipped out. She was all "Have you been eating? You're so skinny!" Firstly, I'm not skinny. I don't think I'll ever be skinny. But yeah, from what I was I do look pretty skinny. I lied and told her I was eating because I didn't want her to freak out and tell my mom that I haven't been eating. It's not that I don't want to, I physically can not do it.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Religion gives people who don't have the answers permission to pretend that they do
I can't remember the quote verbaytum, but it's pretty fucking true. I watched Religulous today, and it really suprised the hell out of me the crazy ass impossible things that people are willing to believe in. I will never understand people choosing to live their lives, and even kill, according to words on a page from a long time ago. Words that have been translated and edited for hundreds of years. Have these people not heard of the game telephone? What the fuck are they even thinking?
I just don't understand how people can logically believe that ALL of the religions of the world are ridiculous EXCEPT theirs. Zeus doesn't exist, but Jesus does. There's actually a Puerto Rican dude who believes that he's a distant relative of Jesus. Making him Jesus. AND PEOPLE BELIEVE HIM. Am I being Punk'd? Seriously. Humanity has got to be Punking me. I will never understand how it's so easy to say you're Jesus, and people just believe you. This guy did it, Charles Manson did it, that dude with the Kool Aid did it. Since I was 14 I've joked about Mishellism, damn now I'm contemplating making it a full time religion for the tax exempt status and to get people to throw money at me.
Are people really that co-dependent to the point where they'll depend on someone who doesn't even exist? Like yeah it's a good idea to think that someone is always with you even when you're completely alone, the ultimate imaginary friend. But I believe it's a better idea to just accept the fact that you come into this world alone and you leave alone and you don't know how you got here, why you're here, what you're supposed to do, what you're doing, why you're doing it, and you never will. And you need to fucking deal with it.
People just need to make up their own reasons for living. They need to know all the answers to the point where they'll believe anything. How about rather than "______ has a plan for me, and it's my job to tell everyone that and get them to believe my shit and think the way I think and the world will be perfect." Why am I living my life? Because I strongly believe that one day I'll marry Matt Damon and have 5 of his kids. I just don't understand how these people are allowed to believe this shit, and will fucking behead you if you don't. Aren't we a bit too advanced for this shit?
Another thing I will never understand. Black people and White Jesus, and even Black people and Black Jesus. African's were not Christians when they were brought over here to be slaves. It was forced upon them by their White slave owners to get rid of their culture. Black people were forced to drop every ounce of their culture, language and religion because it was "barbaric" and to live in their world you had to adhere to their customs and beliefs. And even to this day there are millions of decendents of these people worshipping a religion that was beaten into them. Actually, the main reason anyone worships any religion is because it was forced onto them by the people who conquered them. So there are billions of people worshipping something just because their ancestors were told "If you don't believe this I'll fucking kill you." And even today when people have the freedom to not follow a religion that their distant relatives got their throats cut over, they still do it. And will sometimes cut someone elses throat over it. What. Thee. Fucketh. If there's a God/ess/s/, best fucking troll ever.
Okay I'm done going on about this now. This show on black holes needs my undivided attention. Speaking of science nerd tv shows. Wednesday. Worm Holes with Morgan Freeman. Who's fucking excited? This bitch right here.
I just don't understand how people can logically believe that ALL of the religions of the world are ridiculous EXCEPT theirs. Zeus doesn't exist, but Jesus does. There's actually a Puerto Rican dude who believes that he's a distant relative of Jesus. Making him Jesus. AND PEOPLE BELIEVE HIM. Am I being Punk'd? Seriously. Humanity has got to be Punking me. I will never understand how it's so easy to say you're Jesus, and people just believe you. This guy did it, Charles Manson did it, that dude with the Kool Aid did it. Since I was 14 I've joked about Mishellism, damn now I'm contemplating making it a full time religion for the tax exempt status and to get people to throw money at me.
Are people really that co-dependent to the point where they'll depend on someone who doesn't even exist? Like yeah it's a good idea to think that someone is always with you even when you're completely alone, the ultimate imaginary friend. But I believe it's a better idea to just accept the fact that you come into this world alone and you leave alone and you don't know how you got here, why you're here, what you're supposed to do, what you're doing, why you're doing it, and you never will. And you need to fucking deal with it.
People just need to make up their own reasons for living. They need to know all the answers to the point where they'll believe anything. How about rather than "______ has a plan for me, and it's my job to tell everyone that and get them to believe my shit and think the way I think and the world will be perfect." Why am I living my life? Because I strongly believe that one day I'll marry Matt Damon and have 5 of his kids. I just don't understand how these people are allowed to believe this shit, and will fucking behead you if you don't. Aren't we a bit too advanced for this shit?
Another thing I will never understand. Black people and White Jesus, and even Black people and Black Jesus. African's were not Christians when they were brought over here to be slaves. It was forced upon them by their White slave owners to get rid of their culture. Black people were forced to drop every ounce of their culture, language and religion because it was "barbaric" and to live in their world you had to adhere to their customs and beliefs. And even to this day there are millions of decendents of these people worshipping a religion that was beaten into them. Actually, the main reason anyone worships any religion is because it was forced onto them by the people who conquered them. So there are billions of people worshipping something just because their ancestors were told "If you don't believe this I'll fucking kill you." And even today when people have the freedom to not follow a religion that their distant relatives got their throats cut over, they still do it. And will sometimes cut someone elses throat over it. What. Thee. Fucketh. If there's a God/ess/s/, best fucking troll ever.
Okay I'm done going on about this now. This show on black holes needs my undivided attention. Speaking of science nerd tv shows. Wednesday. Worm Holes with Morgan Freeman. Who's fucking excited? This bitch right here.
BTW while I was writing this an earthquake hit and my whole room was shaking for a good 5 seconds. LOOKS LIKE I PISSED SOMEONE OFF.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
My health insurance is shitty
So if I were to go to the hospital I'd only be covered for 14 days.
Would it even really be worth it then? I can easily see myself following their rules for 14 days to please them then going right back to what I'm doing right now as soon as I get out.
Uhh yeah. I'm fucked.
I feel like I just got hit by a truck.
Would it even really be worth it then? I can easily see myself following their rules for 14 days to please them then going right back to what I'm doing right now as soon as I get out.
Uhh yeah. I'm fucked.
I feel like I just got hit by a truck.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
I don't even know why I rambled so much in this
So I was reading PerezHilton, yes I like PerezHilton, fucking sue me. So anyway, I was reading PerezHilton and I read that 100,000 people sent in complaints to Fox over an episode of American Dad. Apparently the show featured a horse ejaculating, and actually they didn't even show it. It was implied. But still 100,000 complained and Fox ignored it. Now the FCC is threatening to fine them $25,000, and fine every station that aired the episode.
Like, what the fucking fuck?
Firstly, it wasn't even shown, it was implied, just like all of the sex in Family Guy/American Dad. Secondly, if anyone is offended by implied animal ejaculation MAYBE THEY SHOULDN'T BE WATCHING THE SHOW IN THE FUCKING FIRST PLACE. Like who's really going to be that much of a pussy to not be able to take some implied sexual content, and the show regularly contains frank sexual content so no one should be blown out of the water over it. I mean come on, Family guy implied that Brian (a dog) had sex with a woman. OH HOLD THE FUCKING PRESSES HOW DARE A CARTOON KNOWN FOR BEING OFFENSIVE SHOW OFFENSIVE CONTENT.
Frivolous censorship like this seriously pisses me off. Especially with that bullshit "think of the children" line that they always bring up. How about you watch your fucking kids? Parental Controls exist for a goddamn reason. The whole world doesn't have to be sanitized so you don't have to pay attention to your own kids. Stop expecting everyone to do your job for you. We're in the technological age where your kids are going to see some shit, either on tv, in a movie, on the internet, in a video game or texted to them on a cellphone. FUCKING DEAL WITH IT. Don't try to get rid of it because it's not going to go away so why don't you try just fucking explaining it to them instead of trying to cover their eyes and pretend that it doesn't exist.
People just irritate my fucking life sometimes. We live in a world where people try way too hard to "push the envelop" and "offend people" it's getting to the point where it's not even funny or entertaining anymore. What ever happened to wit and subtlety? I spent a couple days watching old horror movies, then recent ones. And it seems the recent ones are "lets pack as much blood and titties into 115 minutes at we can." Like wtf, this shit isn't scary, just lame as fuck. An over exaggerated amount of blood doesn't bother me, I bleed every month. Why am I supposed to be freaked out at this?
I'm just sick of this "dumb it down as much as possible" culture. So fucking sick of it. Do people even go to libraries anymore? I went to the library in Vista for the first time to get a library card since I packed up my book case and realized I'd read every book on it more than once. And the place was like deserted. It was weird. I remember back in Van Nuys I used to go to the library and see people all over the place. Most people waiting in line to use the computers, but still there were people reading.
I've gone months without tv, and it hasn't really bothered me at all, because I've found that I spend more time reading, and trying to find things that actually entertain me rather than just clicking my brain off. I'm not gonna say I don't miss tv because I do. I miss those random ass segments of WW2 on the history channel, and Maury, and the Tyra Banks show, and Meerkat Manor. Those Meerkats are fucking awesome, but I also feel that I do better without. I've been reading too much BBC online because this point I'm generally afraid for the entire future of the world.
It's like I'm sitting here inside my bubble of my life, and all of this chaos is going on around me that I don't even know about. I don't really know how to put this into words, knowing me I'll make it sound completely stupid and ridiculous. But I'm tired of people speaking for me, in a way. I'm tired of representatives I didn't vote for making decisions that effect my life. I know it's entirely impossible to live a life that doesn't involve some form of government. But more often than not I find myself just wanting to live in the middle of an island somewhere, and not be involved with the shit that people start. The people who decided to declare war aren't the people fighting it, that bugs me. California choosing to ban gay marriage bugs me because it makes me look bad just for living here when that's not my opinion at all.
I'm just tired of having to ride along with whatever the majority wants. The majority shouldn't be able to speak for me, but they can. The world will never be an equal place because people are always looking for a way to put themselves above someone else. Stupid, prejudice, ill informed, dim witted, easily entertained, instantly gratified, easily offended, lazy, selfish morons.
Like, what the fucking fuck?
Firstly, it wasn't even shown, it was implied, just like all of the sex in Family Guy/American Dad. Secondly, if anyone is offended by implied animal ejaculation MAYBE THEY SHOULDN'T BE WATCHING THE SHOW IN THE FUCKING FIRST PLACE. Like who's really going to be that much of a pussy to not be able to take some implied sexual content, and the show regularly contains frank sexual content so no one should be blown out of the water over it. I mean come on, Family guy implied that Brian (a dog) had sex with a woman. OH HOLD THE FUCKING PRESSES HOW DARE A CARTOON KNOWN FOR BEING OFFENSIVE SHOW OFFENSIVE CONTENT.
Frivolous censorship like this seriously pisses me off. Especially with that bullshit "think of the children" line that they always bring up. How about you watch your fucking kids? Parental Controls exist for a goddamn reason. The whole world doesn't have to be sanitized so you don't have to pay attention to your own kids. Stop expecting everyone to do your job for you. We're in the technological age where your kids are going to see some shit, either on tv, in a movie, on the internet, in a video game or texted to them on a cellphone. FUCKING DEAL WITH IT. Don't try to get rid of it because it's not going to go away so why don't you try just fucking explaining it to them instead of trying to cover their eyes and pretend that it doesn't exist.
People just irritate my fucking life sometimes. We live in a world where people try way too hard to "push the envelop" and "offend people" it's getting to the point where it's not even funny or entertaining anymore. What ever happened to wit and subtlety? I spent a couple days watching old horror movies, then recent ones. And it seems the recent ones are "lets pack as much blood and titties into 115 minutes at we can." Like wtf, this shit isn't scary, just lame as fuck. An over exaggerated amount of blood doesn't bother me, I bleed every month. Why am I supposed to be freaked out at this?
I'm just sick of this "dumb it down as much as possible" culture. So fucking sick of it. Do people even go to libraries anymore? I went to the library in Vista for the first time to get a library card since I packed up my book case and realized I'd read every book on it more than once. And the place was like deserted. It was weird. I remember back in Van Nuys I used to go to the library and see people all over the place. Most people waiting in line to use the computers, but still there were people reading.
I've gone months without tv, and it hasn't really bothered me at all, because I've found that I spend more time reading, and trying to find things that actually entertain me rather than just clicking my brain off. I'm not gonna say I don't miss tv because I do. I miss those random ass segments of WW2 on the history channel, and Maury, and the Tyra Banks show, and Meerkat Manor. Those Meerkats are fucking awesome, but I also feel that I do better without. I've been reading too much BBC online because this point I'm generally afraid for the entire future of the world.
It's like I'm sitting here inside my bubble of my life, and all of this chaos is going on around me that I don't even know about. I don't really know how to put this into words, knowing me I'll make it sound completely stupid and ridiculous. But I'm tired of people speaking for me, in a way. I'm tired of representatives I didn't vote for making decisions that effect my life. I know it's entirely impossible to live a life that doesn't involve some form of government. But more often than not I find myself just wanting to live in the middle of an island somewhere, and not be involved with the shit that people start. The people who decided to declare war aren't the people fighting it, that bugs me. California choosing to ban gay marriage bugs me because it makes me look bad just for living here when that's not my opinion at all.
I'm just tired of having to ride along with whatever the majority wants. The majority shouldn't be able to speak for me, but they can. The world will never be an equal place because people are always looking for a way to put themselves above someone else. Stupid, prejudice, ill informed, dim witted, easily entertained, instantly gratified, easily offended, lazy, selfish morons.
Sweet
Tomorrow is moving day. I still need to pack the dishes. Clean my bathroom, and wash my clothes. Too bad I'm on my period and I don't want to do anything. I look 5 months pregnant. Not cute.
So I'm just going to sit here on the couch and listen to The Pierces.
So I'm just going to sit here on the couch and listen to The Pierces.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Omg Becky
So Draya left Becky to me before she left. I want to keep it but I'm not even sure if I'm going to continue smoking. I don't even know if I'll have time to smoke next semester. I guess I'll keep it anyway for sentimental reasons. I'm really going to miss her. She's really like my big sister, she's always been around ever since I was born. She's the only one who basically knows everything there is to know about me and completely accepts me for who I am. I really couldn't see myself living with someone who wasn't her. But I know eventually we'll be within each other's vicinity again, I'm basically the only person in our family that she trusts.
It's just so quiet here now. I'm so used to her being loud and blasting her radio and just annoying me. I miss being annoyed! D: Now all I get is silence, and the occasional meow. Well I'm moving on Sunday and hopefully then I'll be able to get in touch with my old friends because all my friends here have pretty much left for the summer and gone home. As per usual.
It's just so quiet here now. I'm so used to her being loud and blasting her radio and just annoying me. I miss being annoyed! D: Now all I get is silence, and the occasional meow. Well I'm moving on Sunday and hopefully then I'll be able to get in touch with my old friends because all my friends here have pretty much left for the summer and gone home. As per usual.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
This is why men disgust me.
So there's this guy and he constantly gives me this shit about how he loves me and he feels like he could marry me someday AND I KNOW IT'S BULLSHIT. If he really felt that way, he would be in a relationship with me no matter what. But no, he's with the person who's more convenient right now. He obviously doesn't give a shit about her since he's had feeling for me before her, and basically during the course of their entire fucking relationship. How are you going to be in a relationship with someone when you're constantly telling another person that you love them and how you'd like to have kids with them and all that shit? Its' so fucking unfair to her.
Now he's talking about paying for me to take a vacation with him when it's like super expensive. What the fuck? Why are you shelling 800-1000 dollars to CHEAT ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND OF OVER A YEAR?? How about spending that money on HER? You just want me because you can't have me. Get the fuck over yourself. This ain't Pretty Woman, I'm not your ho. Drop it bitch, I see right through you.
Now he's talking about paying for me to take a vacation with him when it's like super expensive. What the fuck? Why are you shelling 800-1000 dollars to CHEAT ON YOUR GIRLFRIEND OF OVER A YEAR?? How about spending that money on HER? You just want me because you can't have me. Get the fuck over yourself. This ain't Pretty Woman, I'm not your ho. Drop it bitch, I see right through you.
In my past life
I was a sassy gay male.
True story.
I've decided I'm going as a drag queen to the gender bender ball. I'm gonna be so hawt.
True story.
I've decided I'm going as a drag queen to the gender bender ball. I'm gonna be so hawt.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Gender Bending
I often wonder what the world would be like had there been a 3rd gender. Or even a 4th or 5th. Why do we only have 2? Or 3 if you could hermaphrodites who are only a combination of the only 2 possible.
I've always been really interested in gender bending. Not transsexualism because that's just not as interesting to me. More like men who dress up as women, women who dress as men, then they switch back. I've known guys who dress up as girls, I think it's awesome. I'd dress up as a guy if I thought I'd make a convincing one. I'd need a lot of ace bandages to strap down these tits though.
I've always been really interested in gender bending. Not transsexualism because that's just not as interesting to me. More like men who dress up as women, women who dress as men, then they switch back. I've known guys who dress up as girls, I think it's awesome. I'd dress up as a guy if I thought I'd make a convincing one. I'd need a lot of ace bandages to strap down these tits though.
Things that made my day not so wonderful
1. I'm currently being textually harassed
2. My face is breaking out
3. I'm resisting the urge to binge
4. My hair is a mess
5. I packed my nail polish remover but I really need to get this toe nail polish off
6. My underwear don't fit :(
2. My face is breaking out
3. I'm resisting the urge to binge
4. My hair is a mess
5. I packed my nail polish remover but I really need to get this toe nail polish off
6. My underwear don't fit :(
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Crazy Ass Dream
I normally have crazy dreams. But this dream was just, interesting.
I dreamt that I could teleport myself subconsciously. Like in my dream I was living with my mom, and whenever I go to sleep I'd find myself somewhere else. I don't remember much but I remember one time I was at my grandmas, and another time I was in the a museum or something but I couldn't control how long I was there. I could only be there until finally I woke up. And I tried to explain it to my mom but she wouldn't believe me, she said I was just dreaming. Finally I was able to like teleport myself to my grandma's, and opened the refrigerator and grabbed a donut, and when I woke up the donut was in my hand. And I'm just like "Seee, where do you think I got this donut." Then I ended up falling asleep again and ending up in the middle of someone's wedding, and I had no idea how I got there. And I was talking to the groom, something about virginity. I told him how back when I was in the 11th grade we had a health class, and this lady gave a speech about abstinence and she gave us pins that said "I'm worth waiting for." And I still have the pin but I don't deserve it, and he said he didn't deserve it either then the wife to be bursts in and starts crying how he slept with her sister, and I'm just like "Woah!" then I woke up on my mom's couch, then I woke up in real life on my couch.
Yeah. I don't know.
I dreamt that I could teleport myself subconsciously. Like in my dream I was living with my mom, and whenever I go to sleep I'd find myself somewhere else. I don't remember much but I remember one time I was at my grandmas, and another time I was in the a museum or something but I couldn't control how long I was there. I could only be there until finally I woke up. And I tried to explain it to my mom but she wouldn't believe me, she said I was just dreaming. Finally I was able to like teleport myself to my grandma's, and opened the refrigerator and grabbed a donut, and when I woke up the donut was in my hand. And I'm just like "Seee, where do you think I got this donut." Then I ended up falling asleep again and ending up in the middle of someone's wedding, and I had no idea how I got there. And I was talking to the groom, something about virginity. I told him how back when I was in the 11th grade we had a health class, and this lady gave a speech about abstinence and she gave us pins that said "I'm worth waiting for." And I still have the pin but I don't deserve it, and he said he didn't deserve it either then the wife to be bursts in and starts crying how he slept with her sister, and I'm just like "Woah!" then I woke up on my mom's couch, then I woke up in real life on my couch.
Yeah. I don't know.
I don't have the time to have problems
So for a long time now I've had problems with food, I just didn't tell anyone because every girl has problems with food to an extent. I don't feel like it's as big of a problem as it is with other people. Like whenever I feel myself stressed, like breaking point stressed, I go through phases where I either eat way too much and throw up or I don't eat at all. It really has nothing to do with weight. Honestly on my list of things to worry about, my weight is at the very bottom. It has more to do with stress than anything. Eating too much was usually the easiest option when I lived with my mom and my grandma because we never ran out of food. But now being a starving college student, it's not as feasible as just not eating at all.
I really don't like crying, so when I throw up it's just like all the bad feelings are just exiting out of me so I don't have to cry or feel bad. I just let it all up. This is why I hate throwing up, because I get that feeling and I don't want to get hooked on it like I was. For a long time it was my crutch, and no one noticed because as long as I'm not royally fucking up it doesn't matter what I do. To them I was just losing weight, they didn't know how. Finally I told someone and I got help.
So now for about 3 years I've gone and I've controlled it, I admit I've indulged here and there but not enough for it to completely affect my body and the way I feel about myself. I didn't let it get out of hand until very recently. Money stress, uncertainty about my future, change, and most recently losing 2 people very close to me. I just kind of went into an overhaul. I still haven't been eating correctly. I went from not eating at all, to eating and throwing it up, but I really don't want this to get the best of me. I was really contemplating going to the hospital as soon as I was able to move out, I told my mom and everything that I wanted to go. But I'm getting to a point where I feel that I can control it without having to be on watch 24/7. I've graduated to at least making a point to eat one meal a day.
I just really can't wait to be over this. I hate feeling like I'm a slave to myself. I go through my day, I try to plan out my meals but my plans just get broken. When I think about food I just feel like "ugh I really don't want to deal with it right now" so I just do something else. I've tried to talk to someone but the counselor was a fucking dipshit. I could tell she didn't know anything about eating disorders so she constantly focused on my drinking and weed smoking. I do drink but I wouldn't say I abused alcohol. I know my limits, I never binge. And weed is just weed, I don't even smoke it regularly. And I'm just like "Lady, I just need help dealing with my stress so I won't have to do this," and she kept giving me the deep breathing shit, and meditating and all that shit that doesn't work.
Since I have made progress though I do feel like I could just get therapist and not have to do the whole hospital thing but people around me who know about my problem just wanted to keep pushing it on me and pushing and pushing. It's kind of like that Amy Winehouse song "They try to make me go to rehab but I say no no no." I was going to comply, but I'm a grown ass woman, and I have plans with my summer that I'd rather not spend in a room. So I think I'm just going to try to tackle this one myself. I've done it before and I feel that I can do it again, it just scares me because I'm under way more stress on a regular basis than I was when I was 9-16, and I know ASI is going to have it's moments where I just want to shoot myself. But I'm determined to take control of my own body and mind, and not let it control me. Wish me luck.
I really don't like crying, so when I throw up it's just like all the bad feelings are just exiting out of me so I don't have to cry or feel bad. I just let it all up. This is why I hate throwing up, because I get that feeling and I don't want to get hooked on it like I was. For a long time it was my crutch, and no one noticed because as long as I'm not royally fucking up it doesn't matter what I do. To them I was just losing weight, they didn't know how. Finally I told someone and I got help.
So now for about 3 years I've gone and I've controlled it, I admit I've indulged here and there but not enough for it to completely affect my body and the way I feel about myself. I didn't let it get out of hand until very recently. Money stress, uncertainty about my future, change, and most recently losing 2 people very close to me. I just kind of went into an overhaul. I still haven't been eating correctly. I went from not eating at all, to eating and throwing it up, but I really don't want this to get the best of me. I was really contemplating going to the hospital as soon as I was able to move out, I told my mom and everything that I wanted to go. But I'm getting to a point where I feel that I can control it without having to be on watch 24/7. I've graduated to at least making a point to eat one meal a day.
I just really can't wait to be over this. I hate feeling like I'm a slave to myself. I go through my day, I try to plan out my meals but my plans just get broken. When I think about food I just feel like "ugh I really don't want to deal with it right now" so I just do something else. I've tried to talk to someone but the counselor was a fucking dipshit. I could tell she didn't know anything about eating disorders so she constantly focused on my drinking and weed smoking. I do drink but I wouldn't say I abused alcohol. I know my limits, I never binge. And weed is just weed, I don't even smoke it regularly. And I'm just like "Lady, I just need help dealing with my stress so I won't have to do this," and she kept giving me the deep breathing shit, and meditating and all that shit that doesn't work.
Since I have made progress though I do feel like I could just get therapist and not have to do the whole hospital thing but people around me who know about my problem just wanted to keep pushing it on me and pushing and pushing. It's kind of like that Amy Winehouse song "They try to make me go to rehab but I say no no no." I was going to comply, but I'm a grown ass woman, and I have plans with my summer that I'd rather not spend in a room. So I think I'm just going to try to tackle this one myself. I've done it before and I feel that I can do it again, it just scares me because I'm under way more stress on a regular basis than I was when I was 9-16, and I know ASI is going to have it's moments where I just want to shoot myself. But I'm determined to take control of my own body and mind, and not let it control me. Wish me luck.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
YAY POSITIVITY
So in an effort to stay positive, and to not be a depressive whiny bitch. I've decided to list ten things that happened to make my day WONDERFUL.
1. I discovered Touchin' On My by 3Oh!3, I fucking love that song.
2. I'm packing so now I have a good reason for my room to look a complete disaster.
3. While packing I found my Guitar Hero 3 game
4. I'm finally noticing that I'm losing weight.
5. I cleaned my bong, it looks wonderful. Now I just need to find something to put in it.
6. I got called cute ^__^
7. I did my eyebrows and didn't mess them up.
8. I found a ton of colored pencils.
9. I'm about to watch my favorite movie
10. I have money! For now...
1. I discovered Touchin' On My by 3Oh!3, I fucking love that song.
2. I'm packing so now I have a good reason for my room to look a complete disaster.
3. While packing I found my Guitar Hero 3 game
4. I'm finally noticing that I'm losing weight.
5. I cleaned my bong, it looks wonderful. Now I just need to find something to put in it.
6. I got called cute ^__^
7. I did my eyebrows and didn't mess them up.
8. I found a ton of colored pencils.
9. I'm about to watch my favorite movie
10. I have money! For now...
Friday, May 28, 2010
Oh the ironing!
I think it's funny how I made this huge post how I'm going to kick myself into gear and get busy. Then the very next day I spend the entire day on the couch. I'm going to start packing up my room tomorrow. I totally promise.
And I'm pissed the fuck off. I found out that my great-grandma's funeral is tomorrow, I'm still stuck in San Diego. I really wanted to go so bad. Maybe it's best that I don't go actually. I'd be a wreck anyway. The last thing I need to do is be a wreck. I'll visit her grave when I finally get out there.
And I'm pissed the fuck off. I found out that my great-grandma's funeral is tomorrow, I'm still stuck in San Diego. I really wanted to go so bad. Maybe it's best that I don't go actually. I'd be a wreck anyway. The last thing I need to do is be a wreck. I'll visit her grave when I finally get out there.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Dear Diary. Mood: Apathetic
Step back, shut down. The ultimate defense mechanism.
I've noticed that I do it quite a bit. Whenever I just feel overwhelmed by something I just say fuck it, then I step back and I shut down. Well I'm not going to do it anymore. I guess I'm growing up, I'm going on my 3rd year of college. I know this is totally cliche, but I feel misunderstood by EVERYONE. I feel like I go through my life only giving certain people certain views of me. Like everyone gets a different mask. Not just irl, online too. That isn't me. I just say whatever "Vodka" would say and people take it however they want to take it. 95% of the time they take it way harsher than I intended it to be.
I just try so hard to be what everyone expects of me, I don't understand what I do that constantly makes them expect so much. It freaks me out. That's when I step back and I shut down. Shut up and zone out. Drop whatever I'm working on and sit there. I've spent so much of my life in a helpless state, and now that I actually have the abilities to adapt and overcome, I still shut down. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but I'm going to do everything within my power to fix it.
Anyway on to other things. We had our last ASI Retreat Day today. It was a lot of fun. We all met up at the Money Pit and had lunch, then we went and had our meeting and went over our job expectations on campus. Everyone keeps talking about how this is the most energetic BOD we've had in years.
I've just noticed that I always feel so much better when I'm a part of something. When I was in middle school I wanted to be a performer. So I joined the Drama Academy. I learned how to act and dance and me and everyone else in the academy went to acting competitions. We traveled from school to school performing dances for elementary school kids. I performed Shakespeare in a real theatre on stage. I don't remember any of those kids names anymore except for Anush because her name was awesome, Ericka because she was the funniest female I've ever met in my life, and Jake Thomas because he was famous. Then in the 9th grade I joined campus beautification and we built the butterfly house. In the 10th grade I joined the steering committee and had so much fucking fun running shit and being a baller in general. In the 11th grade I joined Free the Children, we raised money and bought a mating cow for a village in Uganda. In the 12th grade I did Model UN. In my first year I did BSU and my second year. And now I have ASI.
Yes there are times when I'm just like "Fuck it, I don't want to do anything." But not doing anything never does anything for me. I need to be busy, that's just the type of person I am. I've had so many moments where I just want to lay in bed and not get up but I can't do that anymore. It turns me into a jaded, boring, lack lustre person. Seriously when I'm not doing anything, it's like 60% of my entire personality evaporates. It's time to grow the fuck up. I just updated my status on my facebook to "I'm an amazing person," because I am an amazing person. No matter what anyone thinks about me, or think they know about me, I know me. I know that I'm a bad ass motherfucker. I'm so fucking serious, at this point I don't give a shit who loves me and who doesn't. Who thinks I'm worth their time and who doesn't. I'm just going to do me. I'm tired of trying to please people and telling them what they want to hear. If someone wants to be there for me, then I'm going to be there for them, and if they don't want to be there for me, then they can kiss my amazing black ass.
I'm sleepy I'm going to bed.
Peace out.
I've noticed that I do it quite a bit. Whenever I just feel overwhelmed by something I just say fuck it, then I step back and I shut down. Well I'm not going to do it anymore. I guess I'm growing up, I'm going on my 3rd year of college. I know this is totally cliche, but I feel misunderstood by EVERYONE. I feel like I go through my life only giving certain people certain views of me. Like everyone gets a different mask. Not just irl, online too. That isn't me. I just say whatever "Vodka" would say and people take it however they want to take it. 95% of the time they take it way harsher than I intended it to be.
I just try so hard to be what everyone expects of me, I don't understand what I do that constantly makes them expect so much. It freaks me out. That's when I step back and I shut down. Shut up and zone out. Drop whatever I'm working on and sit there. I've spent so much of my life in a helpless state, and now that I actually have the abilities to adapt and overcome, I still shut down. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but I'm going to do everything within my power to fix it.
Anyway on to other things. We had our last ASI Retreat Day today. It was a lot of fun. We all met up at the Money Pit and had lunch, then we went and had our meeting and went over our job expectations on campus. Everyone keeps talking about how this is the most energetic BOD we've had in years.
I've just noticed that I always feel so much better when I'm a part of something. When I was in middle school I wanted to be a performer. So I joined the Drama Academy. I learned how to act and dance and me and everyone else in the academy went to acting competitions. We traveled from school to school performing dances for elementary school kids. I performed Shakespeare in a real theatre on stage. I don't remember any of those kids names anymore except for Anush because her name was awesome, Ericka because she was the funniest female I've ever met in my life, and Jake Thomas because he was famous. Then in the 9th grade I joined campus beautification and we built the butterfly house. In the 10th grade I joined the steering committee and had so much fucking fun running shit and being a baller in general. In the 11th grade I joined Free the Children, we raised money and bought a mating cow for a village in Uganda. In the 12th grade I did Model UN. In my first year I did BSU and my second year. And now I have ASI.
Yes there are times when I'm just like "Fuck it, I don't want to do anything." But not doing anything never does anything for me. I need to be busy, that's just the type of person I am. I've had so many moments where I just want to lay in bed and not get up but I can't do that anymore. It turns me into a jaded, boring, lack lustre person. Seriously when I'm not doing anything, it's like 60% of my entire personality evaporates. It's time to grow the fuck up. I just updated my status on my facebook to "I'm an amazing person," because I am an amazing person. No matter what anyone thinks about me, or think they know about me, I know me. I know that I'm a bad ass motherfucker. I'm so fucking serious, at this point I don't give a shit who loves me and who doesn't. Who thinks I'm worth their time and who doesn't. I'm just going to do me. I'm tired of trying to please people and telling them what they want to hear. If someone wants to be there for me, then I'm going to be there for them, and if they don't want to be there for me, then they can kiss my amazing black ass.
I'm sleepy I'm going to bed.
Peace out.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Revelation
Today I woke up at 6:30, and yes waking up early fucking sucks. But I actually looked forward to today. I had so much fun today even though I was gone for almost 12 hours with ASI. I love being around the people at ASI. I love being busy. I need to really get cracking on finding a room mate for next year because I really think that this is going to be one of my best school years.
I haven't felt this happy since my first year when I was a part of BSU. I guess I'm just the type of person who has to be doing something to feel fulfilled. I've noticed when I'm not doing anything I just feel really blahhh and just not my normal happy go lucky self. I was getting really down and out about stuff.
Today was pretty fun. We had a social justice meeting where we basically learned that minorities aren't treated equally in society and on campus. Well as a minority, uhhh no shit. And it was ran by this extremely irritating obviously lesbot feminazi. There were so many times when I had to resist the urge to say "bitch sit your crazy ass down." But whatever, it wasn't horrible or anything. Afterward we took the Sprinter to Oceanside beach. Ironically we ended up setting up directly in front of the spot where Brian and I met back in November. Lol. Very funny.
Anyway we played volleyball. We had a race with 2 teams who could build a grill the fastest. Of course my team won because I'm fucking amazing at reading and shouting directions. Everyone in ASI loves me, maybe that's because I'm the best. But anyway, I really feel like this is going to be so much fun. I just love having something to work toward instead of sitting on this computer getting worked up over dumb shit and dumb people. I'm actually progressing in my life, growing up, etcetc. Everyone has been saying that this has been one of the most fun, interactive, and excitable B.O.D.'s in years. I'm really happy that I became a part of it. I feel like fate is finally pulling me in the right direction.
I haven't felt this happy since my first year when I was a part of BSU. I guess I'm just the type of person who has to be doing something to feel fulfilled. I've noticed when I'm not doing anything I just feel really blahhh and just not my normal happy go lucky self. I was getting really down and out about stuff.
Today was pretty fun. We had a social justice meeting where we basically learned that minorities aren't treated equally in society and on campus. Well as a minority, uhhh no shit. And it was ran by this extremely irritating obviously lesbot feminazi. There were so many times when I had to resist the urge to say "bitch sit your crazy ass down." But whatever, it wasn't horrible or anything. Afterward we took the Sprinter to Oceanside beach. Ironically we ended up setting up directly in front of the spot where Brian and I met back in November. Lol. Very funny.
Anyway we played volleyball. We had a race with 2 teams who could build a grill the fastest. Of course my team won because I'm fucking amazing at reading and shouting directions. Everyone in ASI loves me, maybe that's because I'm the best. But anyway, I really feel like this is going to be so much fun. I just love having something to work toward instead of sitting on this computer getting worked up over dumb shit and dumb people. I'm actually progressing in my life, growing up, etcetc. Everyone has been saying that this has been one of the most fun, interactive, and excitable B.O.D.'s in years. I'm really happy that I became a part of it. I feel like fate is finally pulling me in the right direction.
Monday, May 24, 2010
ASI Retreat Day 1
So I've decided that after today I am DEFINITELY staying here for the year. I fucking love ASI, and all of the people in it. I gotta stay. There's so much stuff I can do for the school, it would be downright stupid to not stay. I've never had so much fun and made so many new friends in my life. I'm so damn happy. Like you have no idea. We did all these fun activities, and had a boring Board meeting, and did more fun activities, and I hung out with a lot of cool people and hung out with one of the most amazing guys I've ever met.
I'm just like this =D
I really can't wait until tomorrow.
I'm just like this =D
I really can't wait until tomorrow.
Words of Wisdom from a Crazy Bitch
So I was watching United States of Tara yesterday and it's the episode where Tara's daughter dresses up in the princess costume to get e-nerds off online and in return they buy her shit. Well she runs into this guy and he doesn't want to watch her sit on cake or any of that freaky shit, he just wants to talk to her. And she starts going on about how much she hates her life. And he goes "Well...shoot yourself and walk away" meaning, change yourself and try something new. And this reminded me of something my old crazy bitch room mate used to say allllll the time when we were living together "If you don't like something, change it. And if you can't change it, change your attitude."
These pretty much got me thinking. I've spent WAY too much fucking time pissed over things that I have no control over. I don't have control over whether or not my cousin wants to switch states and become a stripper or however this chick wants easy money. I can't control whether or not someone loves me. I definitely cannot raise my great-grandmother from the dead. But I can change how much these things effect me and how I plan to deal with them. Really though, my days of laying in bed doing jack shit with my life are done. Not eating, that's done. Using drugs and alcohol as a crutch, done. [although I'm still going to use drugs and alcohol, that shit is fun] I'm just going to focus on me and making my life better. I've focused too much on other people. I don't want to become a loner or anything, I just want to make a new life and change my attitude. I just want to be a free spirit.
If I could do anything with my life without limitations I would travel the world. Hit up every country. I would love to touch land on every continent, even though Antarctica doesn't sound to appealing aside from penguins. But I can't do that, well not right now anyway. But that doesn't mean I still can't explore.
These pretty much got me thinking. I've spent WAY too much fucking time pissed over things that I have no control over. I don't have control over whether or not my cousin wants to switch states and become a stripper or however this chick wants easy money. I can't control whether or not someone loves me. I definitely cannot raise my great-grandmother from the dead. But I can change how much these things effect me and how I plan to deal with them. Really though, my days of laying in bed doing jack shit with my life are done. Not eating, that's done. Using drugs and alcohol as a crutch, done. [although I'm still going to use drugs and alcohol, that shit is fun] I'm just going to focus on me and making my life better. I've focused too much on other people. I don't want to become a loner or anything, I just want to make a new life and change my attitude. I just want to be a free spirit.
If I could do anything with my life without limitations I would travel the world. Hit up every country. I would love to touch land on every continent, even though Antarctica doesn't sound to appealing aside from penguins. But I can't do that, well not right now anyway. But that doesn't mean I still can't explore.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Dogma
Although it's meant to be a comedy it has so much truth to it. When I was a kid there was no doubt in my mind that God existed and he was looking down on me and he listened to all my prayers.
I miss being a kid and being able to believe anything people told me. Sometimes even believing in a fictional character is better than feeling completely alone.
I miss being a kid and being able to believe anything people told me. Sometimes even believing in a fictional character is better than feeling completely alone.
EXCITEDDDD
Tomorrow I'm going to my first B.O.D. [Board of Directors] meeting for ASI. It's at 8:30 in the fucking morning. Meaning I'll have to be up at 6, leave at 7, to get there on time. FML. But I'm still really fucking excited. I'll get to sit and have a name tag with my name on it that says "College of Business" representative on it. And we're going to do a lot of other stuff. I just think it's going to be a lot of fun, and also incredibly boring at the same time. But at least after all this is over we'll go to the beach. I've been wanting to go to the beach but it's been way too cold. If it's cold here, it's fucking freezing at the beach. And when it's cold just isn't the best time to go. So I've stayed here watching movies and shit.
I watched Dogma for the first time in a while. It's one of my favorite movies, I don't know why. It just always puts me in a better mood no matter how many times I watch it. I remember when they played it on Comedy Central religiously, and I would watch it every single time. It just cracks me the hell up. That along with Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Speaking of Comedy Central, the new season of Futurama is supposed to becoming out soon. I'm excited for that. I've been following up on the Boondocks since it came out, but this season has been so slow. It was not nearly as funny as the last two seasons. I'm disappointed that we've had to wait a whole year for this shit, what the hell? If I wait a whole year I expect to laugh myself to death every episode. Yes. I want to die laughing, then magically rise from the dead, and continue watching tv as a zombie. And I need to catch up on the United States of Tara. I fucking love that show. So I guess that's what I'm going to do until my cousin gets back from Santa Ana today. I'll catch up on my tv watching.
The internet has spoiled me so much. When I watch actual tv and commercials come on I get so beyond irritated.
I watched Dogma for the first time in a while. It's one of my favorite movies, I don't know why. It just always puts me in a better mood no matter how many times I watch it. I remember when they played it on Comedy Central religiously, and I would watch it every single time. It just cracks me the hell up. That along with Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Speaking of Comedy Central, the new season of Futurama is supposed to becoming out soon. I'm excited for that. I've been following up on the Boondocks since it came out, but this season has been so slow. It was not nearly as funny as the last two seasons. I'm disappointed that we've had to wait a whole year for this shit, what the hell? If I wait a whole year I expect to laugh myself to death every episode. Yes. I want to die laughing, then magically rise from the dead, and continue watching tv as a zombie. And I need to catch up on the United States of Tara. I fucking love that show. So I guess that's what I'm going to do until my cousin gets back from Santa Ana today. I'll catch up on my tv watching.
The internet has spoiled me so much. When I watch actual tv and commercials come on I get so beyond irritated.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
R.I.P Irma Mae Bryant
I just found out that my great grandma just died. I guess this will just be the summer of firsts for me. I've never had a person close to me die before. She was 89 years old. She was my dad's dad's mom. I don't know why this surprised me so much, I guess she always had so much energy. I just saw her living until 100 and beyond. She was so sweet. Whenever I'd go visit her I'd watch tv with her and she'd tell me old stories about her and my great grandpa and how he fought in World War 2, and she'd take me grocery shopping with her and she'd let me pick whatever I want. And I'd always play on her piano even though I know I sucked at it. She'd just let me play on it making a god awful cacophony. This summer I was supposed to go stay with her for a while because we hadn't spent time together in so long, I guess that's not going to happen now.
It just sucks that I didn't get to talk to her more. I used to talk to her on the phone all the time, but then her hearing went out and she would lose her aid a lot so I couldn't do that much anymore. She was always so sweet, and she had the prettiest blue eyes. I used to be so jealous of her blue eyes. And they always sparkled. She was so old but her eyes always sparkled no matter what. And I remember every birthday and every Christmas she would give me and all my cousins $10. It was always $10, oa $10 gift card to Target or something.
I know she lived a long life, but it still hurts to see her go. She was the sweetest woman alive.
It just sucks that I didn't get to talk to her more. I used to talk to her on the phone all the time, but then her hearing went out and she would lose her aid a lot so I couldn't do that much anymore. She was always so sweet, and she had the prettiest blue eyes. I used to be so jealous of her blue eyes. And they always sparkled. She was so old but her eyes always sparkled no matter what. And I remember every birthday and every Christmas she would give me and all my cousins $10. It was always $10, oa $10 gift card to Target or something.
I know she lived a long life, but it still hurts to see her go. She was the sweetest woman alive.
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