I often wonder what the world would be like had there been a 3rd gender. Or even a 4th or 5th. Why do we only have 2? Or 3 if you could hermaphrodites who are only a combination of the only 2 possible.
I've always been really interested in gender bending. Not transsexualism because that's just not as interesting to me. More like men who dress up as women, women who dress as men, then they switch back. I've known guys who dress up as girls, I think it's awesome. I'd dress up as a guy if I thought I'd make a convincing one. I'd need a lot of ace bandages to strap down these tits though.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Things that made my day not so wonderful
1. I'm currently being textually harassed
2. My face is breaking out
3. I'm resisting the urge to binge
4. My hair is a mess
5. I packed my nail polish remover but I really need to get this toe nail polish off
6. My underwear don't fit :(
2. My face is breaking out
3. I'm resisting the urge to binge
4. My hair is a mess
5. I packed my nail polish remover but I really need to get this toe nail polish off
6. My underwear don't fit :(
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Crazy Ass Dream
I normally have crazy dreams. But this dream was just, interesting.
I dreamt that I could teleport myself subconsciously. Like in my dream I was living with my mom, and whenever I go to sleep I'd find myself somewhere else. I don't remember much but I remember one time I was at my grandmas, and another time I was in the a museum or something but I couldn't control how long I was there. I could only be there until finally I woke up. And I tried to explain it to my mom but she wouldn't believe me, she said I was just dreaming. Finally I was able to like teleport myself to my grandma's, and opened the refrigerator and grabbed a donut, and when I woke up the donut was in my hand. And I'm just like "Seee, where do you think I got this donut." Then I ended up falling asleep again and ending up in the middle of someone's wedding, and I had no idea how I got there. And I was talking to the groom, something about virginity. I told him how back when I was in the 11th grade we had a health class, and this lady gave a speech about abstinence and she gave us pins that said "I'm worth waiting for." And I still have the pin but I don't deserve it, and he said he didn't deserve it either then the wife to be bursts in and starts crying how he slept with her sister, and I'm just like "Woah!" then I woke up on my mom's couch, then I woke up in real life on my couch.
Yeah. I don't know.
I dreamt that I could teleport myself subconsciously. Like in my dream I was living with my mom, and whenever I go to sleep I'd find myself somewhere else. I don't remember much but I remember one time I was at my grandmas, and another time I was in the a museum or something but I couldn't control how long I was there. I could only be there until finally I woke up. And I tried to explain it to my mom but she wouldn't believe me, she said I was just dreaming. Finally I was able to like teleport myself to my grandma's, and opened the refrigerator and grabbed a donut, and when I woke up the donut was in my hand. And I'm just like "Seee, where do you think I got this donut." Then I ended up falling asleep again and ending up in the middle of someone's wedding, and I had no idea how I got there. And I was talking to the groom, something about virginity. I told him how back when I was in the 11th grade we had a health class, and this lady gave a speech about abstinence and she gave us pins that said "I'm worth waiting for." And I still have the pin but I don't deserve it, and he said he didn't deserve it either then the wife to be bursts in and starts crying how he slept with her sister, and I'm just like "Woah!" then I woke up on my mom's couch, then I woke up in real life on my couch.
Yeah. I don't know.
I don't have the time to have problems
So for a long time now I've had problems with food, I just didn't tell anyone because every girl has problems with food to an extent. I don't feel like it's as big of a problem as it is with other people. Like whenever I feel myself stressed, like breaking point stressed, I go through phases where I either eat way too much and throw up or I don't eat at all. It really has nothing to do with weight. Honestly on my list of things to worry about, my weight is at the very bottom. It has more to do with stress than anything. Eating too much was usually the easiest option when I lived with my mom and my grandma because we never ran out of food. But now being a starving college student, it's not as feasible as just not eating at all.
I really don't like crying, so when I throw up it's just like all the bad feelings are just exiting out of me so I don't have to cry or feel bad. I just let it all up. This is why I hate throwing up, because I get that feeling and I don't want to get hooked on it like I was. For a long time it was my crutch, and no one noticed because as long as I'm not royally fucking up it doesn't matter what I do. To them I was just losing weight, they didn't know how. Finally I told someone and I got help.
So now for about 3 years I've gone and I've controlled it, I admit I've indulged here and there but not enough for it to completely affect my body and the way I feel about myself. I didn't let it get out of hand until very recently. Money stress, uncertainty about my future, change, and most recently losing 2 people very close to me. I just kind of went into an overhaul. I still haven't been eating correctly. I went from not eating at all, to eating and throwing it up, but I really don't want this to get the best of me. I was really contemplating going to the hospital as soon as I was able to move out, I told my mom and everything that I wanted to go. But I'm getting to a point where I feel that I can control it without having to be on watch 24/7. I've graduated to at least making a point to eat one meal a day.
I just really can't wait to be over this. I hate feeling like I'm a slave to myself. I go through my day, I try to plan out my meals but my plans just get broken. When I think about food I just feel like "ugh I really don't want to deal with it right now" so I just do something else. I've tried to talk to someone but the counselor was a fucking dipshit. I could tell she didn't know anything about eating disorders so she constantly focused on my drinking and weed smoking. I do drink but I wouldn't say I abused alcohol. I know my limits, I never binge. And weed is just weed, I don't even smoke it regularly. And I'm just like "Lady, I just need help dealing with my stress so I won't have to do this," and she kept giving me the deep breathing shit, and meditating and all that shit that doesn't work.
Since I have made progress though I do feel like I could just get therapist and not have to do the whole hospital thing but people around me who know about my problem just wanted to keep pushing it on me and pushing and pushing. It's kind of like that Amy Winehouse song "They try to make me go to rehab but I say no no no." I was going to comply, but I'm a grown ass woman, and I have plans with my summer that I'd rather not spend in a room. So I think I'm just going to try to tackle this one myself. I've done it before and I feel that I can do it again, it just scares me because I'm under way more stress on a regular basis than I was when I was 9-16, and I know ASI is going to have it's moments where I just want to shoot myself. But I'm determined to take control of my own body and mind, and not let it control me. Wish me luck.
I really don't like crying, so when I throw up it's just like all the bad feelings are just exiting out of me so I don't have to cry or feel bad. I just let it all up. This is why I hate throwing up, because I get that feeling and I don't want to get hooked on it like I was. For a long time it was my crutch, and no one noticed because as long as I'm not royally fucking up it doesn't matter what I do. To them I was just losing weight, they didn't know how. Finally I told someone and I got help.
So now for about 3 years I've gone and I've controlled it, I admit I've indulged here and there but not enough for it to completely affect my body and the way I feel about myself. I didn't let it get out of hand until very recently. Money stress, uncertainty about my future, change, and most recently losing 2 people very close to me. I just kind of went into an overhaul. I still haven't been eating correctly. I went from not eating at all, to eating and throwing it up, but I really don't want this to get the best of me. I was really contemplating going to the hospital as soon as I was able to move out, I told my mom and everything that I wanted to go. But I'm getting to a point where I feel that I can control it without having to be on watch 24/7. I've graduated to at least making a point to eat one meal a day.
I just really can't wait to be over this. I hate feeling like I'm a slave to myself. I go through my day, I try to plan out my meals but my plans just get broken. When I think about food I just feel like "ugh I really don't want to deal with it right now" so I just do something else. I've tried to talk to someone but the counselor was a fucking dipshit. I could tell she didn't know anything about eating disorders so she constantly focused on my drinking and weed smoking. I do drink but I wouldn't say I abused alcohol. I know my limits, I never binge. And weed is just weed, I don't even smoke it regularly. And I'm just like "Lady, I just need help dealing with my stress so I won't have to do this," and she kept giving me the deep breathing shit, and meditating and all that shit that doesn't work.
Since I have made progress though I do feel like I could just get therapist and not have to do the whole hospital thing but people around me who know about my problem just wanted to keep pushing it on me and pushing and pushing. It's kind of like that Amy Winehouse song "They try to make me go to rehab but I say no no no." I was going to comply, but I'm a grown ass woman, and I have plans with my summer that I'd rather not spend in a room. So I think I'm just going to try to tackle this one myself. I've done it before and I feel that I can do it again, it just scares me because I'm under way more stress on a regular basis than I was when I was 9-16, and I know ASI is going to have it's moments where I just want to shoot myself. But I'm determined to take control of my own body and mind, and not let it control me. Wish me luck.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
YAY POSITIVITY
So in an effort to stay positive, and to not be a depressive whiny bitch. I've decided to list ten things that happened to make my day WONDERFUL.
1. I discovered Touchin' On My by 3Oh!3, I fucking love that song.
2. I'm packing so now I have a good reason for my room to look a complete disaster.
3. While packing I found my Guitar Hero 3 game
4. I'm finally noticing that I'm losing weight.
5. I cleaned my bong, it looks wonderful. Now I just need to find something to put in it.
6. I got called cute ^__^
7. I did my eyebrows and didn't mess them up.
8. I found a ton of colored pencils.
9. I'm about to watch my favorite movie
10. I have money! For now...
1. I discovered Touchin' On My by 3Oh!3, I fucking love that song.
2. I'm packing so now I have a good reason for my room to look a complete disaster.
3. While packing I found my Guitar Hero 3 game
4. I'm finally noticing that I'm losing weight.
5. I cleaned my bong, it looks wonderful. Now I just need to find something to put in it.
6. I got called cute ^__^
7. I did my eyebrows and didn't mess them up.
8. I found a ton of colored pencils.
9. I'm about to watch my favorite movie
10. I have money! For now...
Friday, May 28, 2010
Oh the ironing!
I think it's funny how I made this huge post how I'm going to kick myself into gear and get busy. Then the very next day I spend the entire day on the couch. I'm going to start packing up my room tomorrow. I totally promise.
And I'm pissed the fuck off. I found out that my great-grandma's funeral is tomorrow, I'm still stuck in San Diego. I really wanted to go so bad. Maybe it's best that I don't go actually. I'd be a wreck anyway. The last thing I need to do is be a wreck. I'll visit her grave when I finally get out there.
And I'm pissed the fuck off. I found out that my great-grandma's funeral is tomorrow, I'm still stuck in San Diego. I really wanted to go so bad. Maybe it's best that I don't go actually. I'd be a wreck anyway. The last thing I need to do is be a wreck. I'll visit her grave when I finally get out there.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Dear Diary. Mood: Apathetic
Step back, shut down. The ultimate defense mechanism.
I've noticed that I do it quite a bit. Whenever I just feel overwhelmed by something I just say fuck it, then I step back and I shut down. Well I'm not going to do it anymore. I guess I'm growing up, I'm going on my 3rd year of college. I know this is totally cliche, but I feel misunderstood by EVERYONE. I feel like I go through my life only giving certain people certain views of me. Like everyone gets a different mask. Not just irl, online too. That isn't me. I just say whatever "Vodka" would say and people take it however they want to take it. 95% of the time they take it way harsher than I intended it to be.
I just try so hard to be what everyone expects of me, I don't understand what I do that constantly makes them expect so much. It freaks me out. That's when I step back and I shut down. Shut up and zone out. Drop whatever I'm working on and sit there. I've spent so much of my life in a helpless state, and now that I actually have the abilities to adapt and overcome, I still shut down. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but I'm going to do everything within my power to fix it.
Anyway on to other things. We had our last ASI Retreat Day today. It was a lot of fun. We all met up at the Money Pit and had lunch, then we went and had our meeting and went over our job expectations on campus. Everyone keeps talking about how this is the most energetic BOD we've had in years.
I've just noticed that I always feel so much better when I'm a part of something. When I was in middle school I wanted to be a performer. So I joined the Drama Academy. I learned how to act and dance and me and everyone else in the academy went to acting competitions. We traveled from school to school performing dances for elementary school kids. I performed Shakespeare in a real theatre on stage. I don't remember any of those kids names anymore except for Anush because her name was awesome, Ericka because she was the funniest female I've ever met in my life, and Jake Thomas because he was famous. Then in the 9th grade I joined campus beautification and we built the butterfly house. In the 10th grade I joined the steering committee and had so much fucking fun running shit and being a baller in general. In the 11th grade I joined Free the Children, we raised money and bought a mating cow for a village in Uganda. In the 12th grade I did Model UN. In my first year I did BSU and my second year. And now I have ASI.
Yes there are times when I'm just like "Fuck it, I don't want to do anything." But not doing anything never does anything for me. I need to be busy, that's just the type of person I am. I've had so many moments where I just want to lay in bed and not get up but I can't do that anymore. It turns me into a jaded, boring, lack lustre person. Seriously when I'm not doing anything, it's like 60% of my entire personality evaporates. It's time to grow the fuck up. I just updated my status on my facebook to "I'm an amazing person," because I am an amazing person. No matter what anyone thinks about me, or think they know about me, I know me. I know that I'm a bad ass motherfucker. I'm so fucking serious, at this point I don't give a shit who loves me and who doesn't. Who thinks I'm worth their time and who doesn't. I'm just going to do me. I'm tired of trying to please people and telling them what they want to hear. If someone wants to be there for me, then I'm going to be there for them, and if they don't want to be there for me, then they can kiss my amazing black ass.
I'm sleepy I'm going to bed.
Peace out.
I've noticed that I do it quite a bit. Whenever I just feel overwhelmed by something I just say fuck it, then I step back and I shut down. Well I'm not going to do it anymore. I guess I'm growing up, I'm going on my 3rd year of college. I know this is totally cliche, but I feel misunderstood by EVERYONE. I feel like I go through my life only giving certain people certain views of me. Like everyone gets a different mask. Not just irl, online too. That isn't me. I just say whatever "Vodka" would say and people take it however they want to take it. 95% of the time they take it way harsher than I intended it to be.
I just try so hard to be what everyone expects of me, I don't understand what I do that constantly makes them expect so much. It freaks me out. That's when I step back and I shut down. Shut up and zone out. Drop whatever I'm working on and sit there. I've spent so much of my life in a helpless state, and now that I actually have the abilities to adapt and overcome, I still shut down. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, but I'm going to do everything within my power to fix it.
Anyway on to other things. We had our last ASI Retreat Day today. It was a lot of fun. We all met up at the Money Pit and had lunch, then we went and had our meeting and went over our job expectations on campus. Everyone keeps talking about how this is the most energetic BOD we've had in years.
I've just noticed that I always feel so much better when I'm a part of something. When I was in middle school I wanted to be a performer. So I joined the Drama Academy. I learned how to act and dance and me and everyone else in the academy went to acting competitions. We traveled from school to school performing dances for elementary school kids. I performed Shakespeare in a real theatre on stage. I don't remember any of those kids names anymore except for Anush because her name was awesome, Ericka because she was the funniest female I've ever met in my life, and Jake Thomas because he was famous. Then in the 9th grade I joined campus beautification and we built the butterfly house. In the 10th grade I joined the steering committee and had so much fucking fun running shit and being a baller in general. In the 11th grade I joined Free the Children, we raised money and bought a mating cow for a village in Uganda. In the 12th grade I did Model UN. In my first year I did BSU and my second year. And now I have ASI.
Yes there are times when I'm just like "Fuck it, I don't want to do anything." But not doing anything never does anything for me. I need to be busy, that's just the type of person I am. I've had so many moments where I just want to lay in bed and not get up but I can't do that anymore. It turns me into a jaded, boring, lack lustre person. Seriously when I'm not doing anything, it's like 60% of my entire personality evaporates. It's time to grow the fuck up. I just updated my status on my facebook to "I'm an amazing person," because I am an amazing person. No matter what anyone thinks about me, or think they know about me, I know me. I know that I'm a bad ass motherfucker. I'm so fucking serious, at this point I don't give a shit who loves me and who doesn't. Who thinks I'm worth their time and who doesn't. I'm just going to do me. I'm tired of trying to please people and telling them what they want to hear. If someone wants to be there for me, then I'm going to be there for them, and if they don't want to be there for me, then they can kiss my amazing black ass.
I'm sleepy I'm going to bed.
Peace out.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Revelation
Today I woke up at 6:30, and yes waking up early fucking sucks. But I actually looked forward to today. I had so much fun today even though I was gone for almost 12 hours with ASI. I love being around the people at ASI. I love being busy. I need to really get cracking on finding a room mate for next year because I really think that this is going to be one of my best school years.
I haven't felt this happy since my first year when I was a part of BSU. I guess I'm just the type of person who has to be doing something to feel fulfilled. I've noticed when I'm not doing anything I just feel really blahhh and just not my normal happy go lucky self. I was getting really down and out about stuff.
Today was pretty fun. We had a social justice meeting where we basically learned that minorities aren't treated equally in society and on campus. Well as a minority, uhhh no shit. And it was ran by this extremely irritating obviously lesbot feminazi. There were so many times when I had to resist the urge to say "bitch sit your crazy ass down." But whatever, it wasn't horrible or anything. Afterward we took the Sprinter to Oceanside beach. Ironically we ended up setting up directly in front of the spot where Brian and I met back in November. Lol. Very funny.
Anyway we played volleyball. We had a race with 2 teams who could build a grill the fastest. Of course my team won because I'm fucking amazing at reading and shouting directions. Everyone in ASI loves me, maybe that's because I'm the best. But anyway, I really feel like this is going to be so much fun. I just love having something to work toward instead of sitting on this computer getting worked up over dumb shit and dumb people. I'm actually progressing in my life, growing up, etcetc. Everyone has been saying that this has been one of the most fun, interactive, and excitable B.O.D.'s in years. I'm really happy that I became a part of it. I feel like fate is finally pulling me in the right direction.
I haven't felt this happy since my first year when I was a part of BSU. I guess I'm just the type of person who has to be doing something to feel fulfilled. I've noticed when I'm not doing anything I just feel really blahhh and just not my normal happy go lucky self. I was getting really down and out about stuff.
Today was pretty fun. We had a social justice meeting where we basically learned that minorities aren't treated equally in society and on campus. Well as a minority, uhhh no shit. And it was ran by this extremely irritating obviously lesbot feminazi. There were so many times when I had to resist the urge to say "bitch sit your crazy ass down." But whatever, it wasn't horrible or anything. Afterward we took the Sprinter to Oceanside beach. Ironically we ended up setting up directly in front of the spot where Brian and I met back in November. Lol. Very funny.
Anyway we played volleyball. We had a race with 2 teams who could build a grill the fastest. Of course my team won because I'm fucking amazing at reading and shouting directions. Everyone in ASI loves me, maybe that's because I'm the best. But anyway, I really feel like this is going to be so much fun. I just love having something to work toward instead of sitting on this computer getting worked up over dumb shit and dumb people. I'm actually progressing in my life, growing up, etcetc. Everyone has been saying that this has been one of the most fun, interactive, and excitable B.O.D.'s in years. I'm really happy that I became a part of it. I feel like fate is finally pulling me in the right direction.
Monday, May 24, 2010
ASI Retreat Day 1
So I've decided that after today I am DEFINITELY staying here for the year. I fucking love ASI, and all of the people in it. I gotta stay. There's so much stuff I can do for the school, it would be downright stupid to not stay. I've never had so much fun and made so many new friends in my life. I'm so damn happy. Like you have no idea. We did all these fun activities, and had a boring Board meeting, and did more fun activities, and I hung out with a lot of cool people and hung out with one of the most amazing guys I've ever met.
I'm just like this =D
I really can't wait until tomorrow.
I'm just like this =D
I really can't wait until tomorrow.
Words of Wisdom from a Crazy Bitch
So I was watching United States of Tara yesterday and it's the episode where Tara's daughter dresses up in the princess costume to get e-nerds off online and in return they buy her shit. Well she runs into this guy and he doesn't want to watch her sit on cake or any of that freaky shit, he just wants to talk to her. And she starts going on about how much she hates her life. And he goes "Well...shoot yourself and walk away" meaning, change yourself and try something new. And this reminded me of something my old crazy bitch room mate used to say allllll the time when we were living together "If you don't like something, change it. And if you can't change it, change your attitude."
These pretty much got me thinking. I've spent WAY too much fucking time pissed over things that I have no control over. I don't have control over whether or not my cousin wants to switch states and become a stripper or however this chick wants easy money. I can't control whether or not someone loves me. I definitely cannot raise my great-grandmother from the dead. But I can change how much these things effect me and how I plan to deal with them. Really though, my days of laying in bed doing jack shit with my life are done. Not eating, that's done. Using drugs and alcohol as a crutch, done. [although I'm still going to use drugs and alcohol, that shit is fun] I'm just going to focus on me and making my life better. I've focused too much on other people. I don't want to become a loner or anything, I just want to make a new life and change my attitude. I just want to be a free spirit.
If I could do anything with my life without limitations I would travel the world. Hit up every country. I would love to touch land on every continent, even though Antarctica doesn't sound to appealing aside from penguins. But I can't do that, well not right now anyway. But that doesn't mean I still can't explore.
These pretty much got me thinking. I've spent WAY too much fucking time pissed over things that I have no control over. I don't have control over whether or not my cousin wants to switch states and become a stripper or however this chick wants easy money. I can't control whether or not someone loves me. I definitely cannot raise my great-grandmother from the dead. But I can change how much these things effect me and how I plan to deal with them. Really though, my days of laying in bed doing jack shit with my life are done. Not eating, that's done. Using drugs and alcohol as a crutch, done. [although I'm still going to use drugs and alcohol, that shit is fun] I'm just going to focus on me and making my life better. I've focused too much on other people. I don't want to become a loner or anything, I just want to make a new life and change my attitude. I just want to be a free spirit.
If I could do anything with my life without limitations I would travel the world. Hit up every country. I would love to touch land on every continent, even though Antarctica doesn't sound to appealing aside from penguins. But I can't do that, well not right now anyway. But that doesn't mean I still can't explore.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Dogma
Although it's meant to be a comedy it has so much truth to it. When I was a kid there was no doubt in my mind that God existed and he was looking down on me and he listened to all my prayers.
I miss being a kid and being able to believe anything people told me. Sometimes even believing in a fictional character is better than feeling completely alone.
I miss being a kid and being able to believe anything people told me. Sometimes even believing in a fictional character is better than feeling completely alone.
EXCITEDDDD
Tomorrow I'm going to my first B.O.D. [Board of Directors] meeting for ASI. It's at 8:30 in the fucking morning. Meaning I'll have to be up at 6, leave at 7, to get there on time. FML. But I'm still really fucking excited. I'll get to sit and have a name tag with my name on it that says "College of Business" representative on it. And we're going to do a lot of other stuff. I just think it's going to be a lot of fun, and also incredibly boring at the same time. But at least after all this is over we'll go to the beach. I've been wanting to go to the beach but it's been way too cold. If it's cold here, it's fucking freezing at the beach. And when it's cold just isn't the best time to go. So I've stayed here watching movies and shit.
I watched Dogma for the first time in a while. It's one of my favorite movies, I don't know why. It just always puts me in a better mood no matter how many times I watch it. I remember when they played it on Comedy Central religiously, and I would watch it every single time. It just cracks me the hell up. That along with Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Speaking of Comedy Central, the new season of Futurama is supposed to becoming out soon. I'm excited for that. I've been following up on the Boondocks since it came out, but this season has been so slow. It was not nearly as funny as the last two seasons. I'm disappointed that we've had to wait a whole year for this shit, what the hell? If I wait a whole year I expect to laugh myself to death every episode. Yes. I want to die laughing, then magically rise from the dead, and continue watching tv as a zombie. And I need to catch up on the United States of Tara. I fucking love that show. So I guess that's what I'm going to do until my cousin gets back from Santa Ana today. I'll catch up on my tv watching.
The internet has spoiled me so much. When I watch actual tv and commercials come on I get so beyond irritated.
I watched Dogma for the first time in a while. It's one of my favorite movies, I don't know why. It just always puts me in a better mood no matter how many times I watch it. I remember when they played it on Comedy Central religiously, and I would watch it every single time. It just cracks me the hell up. That along with Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Speaking of Comedy Central, the new season of Futurama is supposed to becoming out soon. I'm excited for that. I've been following up on the Boondocks since it came out, but this season has been so slow. It was not nearly as funny as the last two seasons. I'm disappointed that we've had to wait a whole year for this shit, what the hell? If I wait a whole year I expect to laugh myself to death every episode. Yes. I want to die laughing, then magically rise from the dead, and continue watching tv as a zombie. And I need to catch up on the United States of Tara. I fucking love that show. So I guess that's what I'm going to do until my cousin gets back from Santa Ana today. I'll catch up on my tv watching.
The internet has spoiled me so much. When I watch actual tv and commercials come on I get so beyond irritated.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
R.I.P Irma Mae Bryant
I just found out that my great grandma just died. I guess this will just be the summer of firsts for me. I've never had a person close to me die before. She was 89 years old. She was my dad's dad's mom. I don't know why this surprised me so much, I guess she always had so much energy. I just saw her living until 100 and beyond. She was so sweet. Whenever I'd go visit her I'd watch tv with her and she'd tell me old stories about her and my great grandpa and how he fought in World War 2, and she'd take me grocery shopping with her and she'd let me pick whatever I want. And I'd always play on her piano even though I know I sucked at it. She'd just let me play on it making a god awful cacophony. This summer I was supposed to go stay with her for a while because we hadn't spent time together in so long, I guess that's not going to happen now.
It just sucks that I didn't get to talk to her more. I used to talk to her on the phone all the time, but then her hearing went out and she would lose her aid a lot so I couldn't do that much anymore. She was always so sweet, and she had the prettiest blue eyes. I used to be so jealous of her blue eyes. And they always sparkled. She was so old but her eyes always sparkled no matter what. And I remember every birthday and every Christmas she would give me and all my cousins $10. It was always $10, oa $10 gift card to Target or something.
I know she lived a long life, but it still hurts to see her go. She was the sweetest woman alive.
It just sucks that I didn't get to talk to her more. I used to talk to her on the phone all the time, but then her hearing went out and she would lose her aid a lot so I couldn't do that much anymore. She was always so sweet, and she had the prettiest blue eyes. I used to be so jealous of her blue eyes. And they always sparkled. She was so old but her eyes always sparkled no matter what. And I remember every birthday and every Christmas she would give me and all my cousins $10. It was always $10, oa $10 gift card to Target or something.
I know she lived a long life, but it still hurts to see her go. She was the sweetest woman alive.
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