Decisions

So I've definitely decided on my tattoo. Well I've been decided on this for about 5 years now. I'm going to get Banksy's balloon girl tattooed on the right side of my back. I love this so much, I always have. This is my favorite panting, I think it's beautiful. I love all of Banksy's work. I just love the way he goes about it. He doesn't do this for fame or fortune. He just does it to send a message.

This is called There's Always Hope. Because there is always hope. No matter what happens there's always hope that something good will come out of it. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore. Like I thought once I got here, I wouldn't have any money stress. I let go all of my relationship stress. The dust has settled, and I'd get better. But I'm not getting better. I still can't eat. Yesterday I had a hand full of potato chips. The day before that I had 2 granola bars. WHAT THE FUCK. Like I don't understand what's going on here. I want to eat I just physically can't. When I do eat more than usually I feel so fucking sick. My stomach hurts so bad to the point where I have to throw up just to make the pain stop. I thought it was physical but I went to the doctor and she said nothing was wrong with me. This is legit pissing me off. My grandma saw me and totally flipped out. She was all "Have you been eating? You're so skinny!" Firstly, I'm not skinny. I don't think I'll ever be skinny. But yeah, from what I was I do look pretty skinny. I lied and told her I was eating because I didn't want her to freak out and tell my mom that I haven't been eating. It's not that I don't want to, I physically can not do it.