My grandma is coming home today! I'm so happy about this shit. I really got tired of her being there in the hospital. The main reason I came here early was because I got tired of being alone. Then as soon as I get here she gets sick with pnemonia and has to go to the emergency room and I'm here alone again. Well I always have Spyder, and I have Pikachu. But Pikachu isn't as affectionate as Spyder.
In other news. I'm gonna take a queue from a friend and just put it out there. I'm so fucking sick of people pretending to be profound and deep. Like I'm over it. Yes we've all been through some shit, but it doesn't change the fact that you've barely been on this planet for 20 years, and you're barely out into the real world. Where are you getting this insightful wisdom from? Fiest records? Like it's just so fucking fake the way these teenagers/early 20 year olds pretend to know every fucking thing about life and how to live it. You fucking don't. I had to grow the fuck up at 7 and I don't even pretend to know everything about live and pretend to be deep and insightful. It's just fake. I take life as it comes to me and if I don't know how to deal with it I try to go to someone who actually knows a thing or two about life.
I'm not saying that all wisdom comes with age, because it doesn't. I know some 30 and 40 year olds who still act like retarded 13 year olds. I guess it just takes the kind of personality to recognize mistakes and learn from them. Something I'm trying to do right now. My favorite people to talk to is my grandma, who's 59 and my great-grandpa who's 89. My great-grandpa is the fucking shit. Like whatever I have to complain about he's been through it 10 times over. I really can't wait until I get to see him again.
I've been having the worst fucking anxiety. Little thinks push me over into full blown panic attacks. My stomach hurts, my head hurts, I've been shaking, I can't eat again and I just feel sick and on edge for fucking hours on end. I have a few vicodin but I don't want to take them all so I'm trying to just keep control. I HATE FEELING LIKE THIS. I'm just not in a good mood. I got invited to a graduation party all the way in fucking Lancaster in a few days, and fucking hell I don't want to go. LANCASTER IS LIKE 2 FUCKING HOURS AWAY. And I don't even really know the chick who's having the party. But my grandma says we're going so whatever, I'll just put on my "pretend to actually like people" attitude and I guess I'll have a good time.
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